Jude, my almost 6-year old, and I do occasional date nights.
We see movies. Get ice cream. Get fun treats.
This weekend we took it up a notch. I wore a dress. He wore a vest. We made it just a little more special. We visited the LEGO Store for the first time & ate delicious Italian food. Just the two of us.
While I plan on doing the same things with Leland as he grows up, it means something significant to me to spend the extra time with Jude. Jude's little life wasn't exactly something we 'planned' or 'expected.' In fact, the morning I found out I was pregnant all I could do was cry and stare while sitting at my desk at work. It was a great pregnancy. Beautiful birth.
And then...the post-partum came. I felt like I was spiraling out of control. I was numb. Breastfeeding was hard. This baby (who was supposed to just KNOW how to be a baby) wasn't doing what I expected. I remember sitting in his room feeding him a bottle of freshly-pumped breastmilk while people visited so they would think we had the breastfeeding down pat. It was humiliating that it didn't work out.
Until Leland was born, I didn't realize how much I missed with Jude. The bonding I had with Leland...was so intimate & special. This isn't to say that those who do not breastfeed are missing out....I just did. I was absent. I felt like I didn't have love for this baby until a bit later.
So, when I spend time with Jude....it's special. It's regaining a bond I feel I missed. It's creating a new way for us to connect and a new way for us make memories that cannot be stolen.
I will always remember this night...sitting together at Maggiano's....sipping our sprites....napkins on laps. When our food arrived, we tasted eachother's food and declared of it's deliciousness and then Jude said to me, "Let's do this every night, Mommy!"
I love you, Jude.
We see movies. Get ice cream. Get fun treats.
This weekend we took it up a notch. I wore a dress. He wore a vest. We made it just a little more special. We visited the LEGO Store for the first time & ate delicious Italian food. Just the two of us.
While I plan on doing the same things with Leland as he grows up, it means something significant to me to spend the extra time with Jude. Jude's little life wasn't exactly something we 'planned' or 'expected.' In fact, the morning I found out I was pregnant all I could do was cry and stare while sitting at my desk at work. It was a great pregnancy. Beautiful birth.
And then...the post-partum came. I felt like I was spiraling out of control. I was numb. Breastfeeding was hard. This baby (who was supposed to just KNOW how to be a baby) wasn't doing what I expected. I remember sitting in his room feeding him a bottle of freshly-pumped breastmilk while people visited so they would think we had the breastfeeding down pat. It was humiliating that it didn't work out.
Until Leland was born, I didn't realize how much I missed with Jude. The bonding I had with Leland...was so intimate & special. This isn't to say that those who do not breastfeed are missing out....I just did. I was absent. I felt like I didn't have love for this baby until a bit later.
So, when I spend time with Jude....it's special. It's regaining a bond I feel I missed. It's creating a new way for us to connect and a new way for us make memories that cannot be stolen.
I will always remember this night...sitting together at Maggiano's....sipping our sprites....napkins on laps. When our food arrived, we tasted eachother's food and declared of it's deliciousness and then Jude said to me, "Let's do this every night, Mommy!"
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| Jude drew a picture of our family and hung it up on the wall |
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| love him! |
I love you, Jude.
1 comment:
This was beautiful!
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