Wednesday, October 31, 2012

gentle words

Yesterday, I was all too eager to leave once Joel got home from work.

Not just this blasted rain and hurricane situation but my kids are sick....again.  I'm so over it.

This time isn't as bad and we're all sleeping well -  just want us all healthy at the same time for longer than a week.

I started day dreaming about leaving the house at 4pm.....finally, 6:30pm came - Joel had eaten and was playing with Simon.  I left....drove thru Starbucks for a decaf version of my normal morning drink...enjoyed a slooooow drive to the grocery store and made my way in, each sip helping change my perspective.

I got my fruit/veggies, dips and chips.....frozen and fresh.  Stood in line and I noticed something that hurt my heart.  A mother and her 8 or 9 yr old son....she spoke to him in a tone I would imagine speaking to an enemy...not a child.  She scolded him for dropping the sour cream when he was holding most of their goods in his small arms.  Once she checked out, she realized she forgot caramel apples and sent him to fetch them and berated him for getting the wrong ones.  I saw his face...his sad face....obviously so used to being treated so harshly and for no good reason.  He was a good boy.  You could see it in his big brown eyes.  When I looked over to him, he put his eyes down....I felt sad for what she was doing to his confidence as a a boy....and later on as a man.

I put my groceries in the car and sat in the drivers seat with head in my hands and cried for him.  I cried for her.  I cried for the heartbreak that surrounds our children all over....parents are stressed, kids are demanding and there are so few people willing to share life enough to model it.  I thought of my boys....when I have yelled too much, been too impatient with them and instead of using a tense moment to teach, I show them anger.  I prayed to be better, to learn from this exchange and also to be willing to share this story around.

I mean, we all do it.  We lose our cool.  That Mom could have been coming from such a difficult place herself....

I guess what we CAN do is be genuine....stop pretending to be parents of the year....and just be honest.  Sometimes I do crafts with my kids and feel like I'm the best Mom ever....sometimes I order georgio's pizza (not organic btw) and let my kids watch too much TV.  Nothing ever changes or improves without honesty.

I got home to a caring husband who put the groceries away and lit us a fire....amazing how your home looks different when you get a chance to leave.  I made the decision to love this life, regardless of how hard it can be, and be grateful for what I have and for the unconditional love I'm surrounded by....and to try my best to gently show that to my men at home and everyone I come into contact with.

Saturday, October 27, 2012

it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas....

in my little heart.....


What is it with me during the years I deliver a baby?  I get SO much more into the holidays....probably due to it being the baby's first....

This year, it's bittersweet.  It's Simon's first Christmas.  BUT - Simon is our last baby.  So, this will be the last time we give a baby their first Christmas. (tearyeyedalittlebit)

I think that might be what this is all about....celebrating, loving, and introducing him to such a wonderful time of year.

Are you getting excited yet?  (No? You think I'm crazy....that's OK...lots of people do!)

Here's where my mind has been wandering to:

A nice full Christmas tree freshly cut from our favorite tree farm....
Hot cocoa with my boys in our pajama's
Cookie decorating and passing those cookies to our neighbors
Gift buying/making/designing
I am guilty of sometimes being more proud of the packaging than what's inside....

Still not motivated to put some Judy Garland Christmas Radio on?

Here's some Christmas eye candy then....xoxo.

thanks Pinterest for the images

Friday, October 26, 2012

taking notice

Oh man I hope you find each post special as they seem to be more few and far between - a true tale of adding a 3rd child....

Been so consumed lately with my youngest two.  My sweet Simon is distractingly cute.  I could lie him down and dust furniture but sometimes I don't.  I lie next to him and kiss his neck, tickle his toes and just enjoy this last baby being a 5 month old....worth it.

I am also consumed with the ups and downs of my wild nearly 3 yr minute we are intensely snuggling and the next, I'm trying to help him learn not to whine and 'talk like a big boy' and honestly, he is just my intense one at the moment.  All 3 boys will share a turn being the intense one.  Lucky it seems to be just one at a time.

Last night, I took notice of the 7yr old growing up before me.  He went on and on about sharks, their habitats, and how they hunt their prey.  I learned from Jude all about lightning amongst other elements....and he taught me all about nouns, adjectives and verbs.  His mind is learning at remarkable speed and I'm so thankful that he enjoys it all.

I sat down with him to do homework last night - took notice of his handwriting (something that was atrocious last year and early part of this school year) and said, 'JUDE! Your handwriting is wonderful!"

His eyes lit up - I noticed.  I took a minute to see he had placed effort in an area he was weak in.  Gosh, I'm so thankful I did.  As I watched him finish his math homework, I stared at him.  I noticed his beautiful little face and ridiculous eye lashes....his hands that were looking stronger and more manly and even how he purses his lips when he's concentrating.  My eldest child inspired me last try harder, to work on things that I'm not great at and just to enjoy the process like a child.

So grateful God gave us Jude.  I told him that and his response was, "Mommy I'm glad God gave me our family and we're going to be together forever..." 

Nothing a Mother could desire to hear more than that.

Happy Friday All.  Take a minute to notice your children, their effort, their progress....and then TELL them you notice.  We're not just growing kids....we're feeding their esteem, developing their self-worth and showing them they are ENOUGH just the way they are.  What a completely ridiculous honor it is to do just that.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

catching up

A HUGE thanks to all of you who wrote, responded, liked or called after the last post.

We made it through the week and all are healthy now.  I truly felt such a release after writing my honest story out...and your words/prayers/kindness was just the icing on the cake.

Thank you.

We are ALL catching up these days.

On sleep
Si is catching up on weight
On housework
On homework
On bills
On our budget
On laundry

One thing I finally did was sort through our photos from Hocking Hills - a mini vacation that was really the sweet spot in a tough season.  The combination of a train ride, darling cabin, cute and excited boys who loved every moment, and a husband who cared to make such wonderful memories with his sons and wife gave us something we hope to recreate again and again for years to come.

Here are some photos of our trip and where we stayed - would highly recommend to anyone wanting a cost-effective vacation while not 'feeling like it' at all.  I prefer going to see the natural beauty around me than standing in line for some man-made, expensive activity any day.  In HH, there is tons of beauty and it's truly awe inspiring. Take a look!

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

truth of the matter

I am definitely one of those people who tends to post positive things.

Maybe because I don't like hearing about negative stuff so I assume no one wants to hear my junk either.

Truth is that while there are a million of tasks calling out to me right now, I simply must sit and write.  My sick little Simon - who has been fighting a fever and tummy virus is actually sleeping right now.  My oldest is playing with a friend and Leland is napping at the sitter.

What do I have to say?

Life is so hard right now.  I'm so thankful and so full of joy for what I have but the truth of it is, I feel like I can't enjoy it because I'm a fire fighter right now....putting one fire out after the next.  I've been to the Pediatrician 6x in the last 8 weeks.  (Well checks, weight checks, and sick kid checks)  We've had colds, flus and croup in the last month too.  We squeezed in a mini vacation and I'm just DYING to share those photos....but they are waiting for life to get back on track too.

I know this season will pass.  I know one day I'll look back and wish to hold that feverish boy once again and feel his grip on my hair.

I'm trying to enjoy the moment but it's so hard when you sleep rarely....see friends only here and there...and have so many other balls to juggle.

I will be truthful: I've dropped a bunch of those balls.  Like a ton.  There are emails I have yet to respond to....people I need to call....a sweet Grandma I want to visit without giving her a flu bug....right now, I'd just love to float above the water without the fear that I'm about to drown.

As I write this, I know in my heart that this season will be over - it just can't stay forever.  It just can't.

I'm SO blessed - my husband is my partner and has offered such grace to me in this time.  My kids forgive me everytime I apologize for a grumpy moment and their hugs heal my tired heart.  My sweet baby tries to smile amidst his tummy pain and I must just take a moment to thank God for these men.  These men....they are my everything.

If you read this, will you do me a favor?  Will you just say a little prayer? Pray for calm and for health and for rest.

Thanks for listening....and for being the friends you are.