Wednesday, August 21, 2013

hello little neglected blog

This summer has been FULL of challenge, joy, & life.

I've not gotten around to all the jobs I set out to do in my home.
I did not cross off every item on my bucket list.
I did not manage to keep to my 'do 1 load of laundry a day' goal


I did have some amazing conversations with my husband in the back yard over a glass of wine....swing in the hammock reading a book over and over to my baby take his first steps - TOWARD me with a smile on his face....

I've been savoring moments but truth be told, I've been healing.  My heart was broken watching my Simon walk through what he did back in May.  I didn't realize how much a trip to the beach watching him play in sand could heal my heart from that trauma.  I had no idea how whole I would feel seeing my husband make him bust a gut laughing by just throwing sand on his toes or handing him a wiggly lightening bug.

Last summer was just hard.  I felt like that woman who is out in the middle of a body of water just trying to keep my head up.  This summer, I was the one who sat on a raft and enjoyed myself a bit more.  It was a little less work and a little more play.  I think I can forever call it good and call it time well spent.

In all the madness of school prep, I slowed down to write Jude a '1st day' note for his lunch box.  There was so much I wanted him to know.  Just didn't want it to be a '1st day novel' as I know he would not have time to read it all.  So, I summed it up and kept it sweet but had to include how much our God loves him...and created him for so many wonderful things.  I started to cry as I wrote that.  I realized how powerful it is to mother.  To care for a child inside of you and then from the moment they are begin to lose control....little by little.  Sometimes it's nice (like when they don't need you every hour through the night) but then sometimes its hard.  (Like when they prefer the bus over waving goodbye after closing the car door).

I sat there with my 3rd cup of coffee....tears streaming down....just grateful for a healthy boy who still kisses me when he wakes up and hugs me before bed....who notices when I wear lipstick (and then asks where we're going-haha) and who reads and reads and then shares in detail what he's learned.  I love that he's a talker (usually) and I'm trying to slow down more this school year so I can really listen.

Cheers to all you Mamas out there...say adios to little ones for the first time....or perhaps missing those '1st days of school' as those years have passed.  Clinking my coffee mug with yours!