a Simon update!

Well, his swallow study confirmed that he swallows and appears to digest beautifully!  Everything went in and out of the right places.

It was traumatizing to watch them redraw blood but we got it - aside from his screams - we got it.  In one week, we should know more from today's blood draw and set up a follow up appointment with his Pediatric GI specialist.

Aside from that, we're continuing to feed him and try not to let him graze (He's metabolizing too quick that way) so getting him to take larger amounts at a time is the key.

We will keep you posted on anything further - cannot thank you ENOUGH for your prayers!

So sorry I cannot respond to every post/call/text - loaded up on kid life/housework & doing makeup every single weekend!  Please do not be offended if I do not call you back right away....a private message via FB is the BEST way to get a hold of me!

Thanks loves!

All our love,

J&J +3 crazy monkey boys

growing little boys

moments

Joel and I have been craving downtime.

Not sure if it's the wedding season, intense time with adding a new baby, lack of sleep, etc.

I have been enjoying our early Saturday morning times...breakfast made and cleaned up, still sipping our coffee and getting cozy in a book or magazine.  Lately, I've noticed Leland's desire to play music with Joel on a regular basis.  Sometimes Joel will play piano while Lee plays his toy guitar....other times Leland will listen to Joel and quietly enjoy...and sometimes they play simultaneously.  It's becoming a part of our weekend I try not to miss.

We're literally watching our son's gifts and interests flourish before our eyes....it's so completely evident the love this child will have for music and singing.

I could keep writing on and on but watch this - look how sweet his attention is toward his Dad.  *cherishing* *relishing* *savoring*

never alone

Been reminded as of late how vital human vulnerability is.

When one person shares openly and regardless of what the other might have to respond with.  It's scary and risky and so worth it.

When Jude was a newborn, we were filled with fear and newness and fear and intense love but also fear.  I told no one.  I wanted no one to know I was falling and falling into a deep sad place.

This post partum season has truly taken me by surprise....with such an easy start followed by days of frustration, tears and confusion.  Why won't my baby grow?

I found myself lying to strangers about his age just to avoid the 'Really, he's that old....gee he's tiny!' response I kept getting.  What was worse was when women would call their friends over, 'Come see how tiny this baby is....he's already 10 weeks...look how small!'  *heartbreaking*

While this post is not to describe how ignorant humans can be, it just must be said.  People are sometimes the absolute worst.

Still, what redeems it all are those moments when a friend tells you about her experience, holds your hand, whispers a prayer over your baby or simply offers to go to your next appointment with you.  Also, when a parent offers to be with your other child while you attend a vital appointment that would otherwise be massively distracting.  I am simply overcome. With all this love.

My baby will be fine.  They are running tests on his blood, doing a swallow study and a possible sweat test but all the while the doctor keeps telling us what my OB told me all along....'Your boy is busy!'  Too busy to eat and too busy to hold onto those calories.

The upside is he has continuously gained now for a straight 4 weeks....good news!  So, we're just pouring out our love, making him laugh and feeding him like its our job because it IS our job, a very very full time job.

Thankful for a husband who is by my side and for family and friends who have encouraged, prayed, taken my older kids, etc.  It's such an easy thing to want to hide in what seems like our failures....but not as easy as it is to walk through hard stuff knowing you have friends pulling you along, delivering a meal or dessert....heart is so full and our love is so rich for each of you.

Thank you!

xoxo

Jess & Baby Simon
Here's my little 'failing to thrive' baby...haha!  hardly!

expectations

this Mommy thing is so hard.

Yet so completely gratifying and beautiful.  I feel the sway between those two adjectives on a daily and sometimes hourly basis.

On one hand, I'm so enjoying this newborn stage with the cooing, sweet cuddles and hugs from big brothers that are never lacking.  On the other, I have struggled with letting go...truly surrendering some of what I thought it would be like to welcome a third into our family.

I guess the best advice every Mom should hear (regardless of how many children she has) is that no matter how good at the Mothering you get...there will be a new challenge with each child...one you will need help with, one you will google about, and one that will keep you up at night hoping you made the right choice in its solution.

In a way, so much of mothering is simply defined as hope.  Hope that your child knows that your every move is bathed in love, prayed over in wisdom & made with the counsel of others.  Perhaps our choices are wrong or perhaps on graduation day, it will not have even mattered much.

In the end, no one really knows how much you wish, hope and worry as a parent until you become responsible for another life.

This season has brought intense laughter & tears...I've been both on the happy end and a deeply sad end....but I've appreciated coming back to the realization that this time is a season and to try and remember it that way.  I loved this blog post by a friend - her words filled my own heart with grace....grace on myself.

Ironically, Joel's birthday gift to me of 31 love letters in 31 days....has been a breath of fresh air that I've been able to hold onto.  I feel like it makes me want to speak loving words to others all the more often....knowing the power those words really do have.

xoxo...happy Monday!

31

Had a birthday yesterday - it was funny.

Busy and filled with fun and some just normal things.  Amazing at how birthdays with little ones around end up seeming like normal life....but it was good.

After a challenging 3 weeks with Simon and low weight gain, he blew us away with a 5oz gain over the weekend.  That was one of the best parts of my birthday - seeing hardwork pay off in my sons little double chin.

Also - my husband rocked my sox by giving me 31 love letters over the next 31 days - 2 are written so far and have filled me up with life.   I've always told Joel...."I don't care what the gift is as long as you never forget the card...."  I love that he took it a step further and decided to focus in on words of love above all else.

I was also blessed with an ice cream maker....gorgeous water pitcher and some lovelies from Crate & Barrel....such a sucker for housewares.

Otherwise, I'm just thankful to be healthy, cared for & to have 3 healthy boys.  (I miss you Jude - love that you are with your cousins....thank you for calling me last night!  My heart swelled to hear your voice.)

Thanks for all the wishes & love...always feels so good to start a new year.  Here we go 31!

from sweet Jude while he's away with his cousins for the week.  xoxo!

almost forgot how to blog

It's been a while.

Wow.

These last 3 weeks have wiped me out.  I've been interrupted twice already in this post and I'm on word #: 26

I must laugh and laugh and laugh.

I've had to reach out of my 'don't want to ask for help' mentality I grew up with....and simply say, 'Hey, help! This is hard!'

Jude is doing amazing - going to Art camp this week and KILLING it!  SO proud.  He's amazing at putting on Leland's shoes and even dressing him too.  He can put everyone's seatbelts on and can make a mean PB sandwich.  Proud of this biggest brother as we've pushed him to a new limit and he's shocking us with how well he's doing despite the lack of attention he's probably personally receiving.

Leland is intense.
Challenging my needs right now almost as they come.  He's into things and his 18-month mischievous side is BACK!  It was cuter back then but we are also enjoying his comedy hour and performances on a daily basis.  He keeps grabbing instruments and playing songs for Simon or spontaneously breaking out in 'Happy Birthday'....and then when I need it most he will come up to me and say, 'Mommy, you're my girl and I'm your guy."  and then I melt into a pile of nothingness.


Simon - adorable as ever!  He's had some challenge with weight-gain.  Facts are this: He would rather sleep than eat. (Can't blame him, I feel the same way) but I have to consistently wake him up (yes even in the middle of the night) to make sure we're getting a minimum of 10 feedings.  This is my last one so we are nursing NO.MATTER.WHAT!  I love the time with him though....just want to see those rolls start coming fast and furious.

Joel's been by my side....through the moody times...tries to take Simon for me when he can but it's hard to compete with 'Mommy' when she's right in the same room and can be smelled from a house away.  Not gonna lie, I'm loving that part of it too.

All in all.  We are OK.  We are hanging in there.  We bit off more than we could chew on a social level early on in my recovery which led to stress that was unneeded.  Take this advice to all of you having babies soon: NEVER EVER host people in your home right after giving birth.....

It defeats bonding altogether.  I'm done on that topic.

So there you have it - to those friends who have been calling to encourage or texting or simply just 'liking' an instagram pic or two or playing Words with Friends....THANK YOU!  It makes me feel a little like I'm hanging out with friends all day.  All my love....

Jess

my partner in life....without him, I'd freak out