it's starting....

that feeling.  that lump in my throat as I feel the change in our family coming.

We looked at our Leland like our 'baby' for so long and we're seeing him grow, obviously....but we didn't expect to watch him turn into a big brother.  I've been showing him pictures of newborns my friends are having...his sweet little response is always, 'Aw cute baby, Mommy, huh?"

I day dream of the moment we introduce these guys to the new kid on the block.  I can already feel the tears starting as we add another lad to the ranks...

While I know this baby will grab my heart in a minute....and will have it forever...I can't help but feel that wierd guilt feeling.  That 'I hope my boys know THEY are still so special' even though I have to sacrifice so much for this little helpless newbie.  My Jude is strong and patient.  His hands are already busy with play and helping his little bro out but my Leland...he will need to learn, understand & probably through much frustration exercise the ability of patience and waiting.  That's hard.

I keep reminding myself that we're giving him a wonderful gift in all of this too.
A brother and a friend.
A person who will look up to him and will care about his opinion.
A person who will celebrate his success and be there for him through the tougher times.

It's only natural and I know these emotions are completely normal - they just hurt too.  My eyes well up with tears so easily at the thought my Leland holding his little brother.  What will his first words to him be?  Will he be scared to drop him?  Will he accidentally drop him?

Either way, I'm walking out each of these emotions...crying tears when they come, cuddling both sons a little extra each night and simply praying for the most beautiful transition.  I know it will be just that. beautiful.

 

Lego Store date with Jude and Lee

my little guy building a mini of his own

Jude getting intense as he tried to pick an item within the budget....decision decisions....

shopping bags in hand....happy little boys