Friday, January 13, 2012

that day....

The magical day came this past Tuesday - we scrambled at 6am to get ready for the day, gets kids out to sitter/school, get my hair looking less like I stay at home all the time....and get to our appt by 8:00am.  Our plan was to have them stick the 'results' in an envelope to allow Joel and I to experience the surprise on our own, alone.

I did this for 3 reasons:

1-I know my husband SO well and he will not act as 'real' if there is this stranger playing with his wife's belly and I wanted this to be 'real'.

2-If we were going to have a 3rd son, I didn't want there to be an awkward lull or wierdness in the U/S room.

3-If we were having a girl, I wanted that crazy surprise to be somethng that I'd remember sharing only with my love.

We walked into the office, checked in & were greeted by our ultrasound technician.  Usually, my experiences there have been with really wonderful technicians and this one just seemed like she was having a bad morning or something.  Her touch to my belly was rough and at a few points, I would say 'Ouch' as she was trying to gather information.  This is my 3rd child so I know what this feels like and it felt like she was taking out some anger on my uterus.

NOT so magical.

Next we told her that we'd like the surprise to be in an envelope and she gave us the 'Wow you guys are really one's EVER done that before..." look. 

Again...killing the magic.

As she was getting measurements, it was obvious there were some that our baby was being difficult with allowing her to capture.  She had me lay down lower, move slightly trying to get baby in the right position.  Joel sweetly asked her, 'Oh are you having a hard time finding the sex of the baby?"  She replied 'No, I got that right away..."

Hmmm....don't give it away or anything, lady! 

Once she concluded her portion of the job, she quickly left and said that the doctor would be in shortly to go over the results.  I always get SO frightened at what news he might have for us....or if there is something major missing that they want to tell us...

He walked in, very jovial and very kind and very unlike the tech who had just left.  He said, 'Do you guys have any kids yet?" (obviously he knew what the sex was by now) and we responded "Yes, we've got 2 boys!"  He looked at us with a smirk and said, "Perfect! You've got a good-looking kid here...but I'll tell ya....he's got ants in his pants."


He said it.  He said 'he'.  He spoiled our surprise with one little phrase.

Joel didn't catch it but I did and I instantly started to prepare myself for a houseful of men. 

He proceeded to tell us the beautiful news that this baby was 11 ounces, active, perfect, excellent blood flow and amniotic fluid....this baby was just perfect.  Music to my ears...

He left the room, I wiped my gooey gut off and we grabbed our envelope.  You'd think we'd do something sweet and creative and go to dinner and open over some delicious appetizers...but no, we ran to the stairwell like idiots and ripped open that envelope.  There it was.  The answer we'd waited all this time for.  It's a boy.  They stuck this little baby icon with a blue onesie on...and life was different.  Life was changing.  Our oldest son Jude was now oldest of 3 boys...our baby was now our middle son...

It'd be a lie to say that we jumped up and down and embraced with music playing and doves encircling us...the thought of a little girl brought a sweetness and a newness we thought would be beautiful.  I had imagined the idea of a boy and a while I LOVED thinking of our family dynamic now...I had to grieve a tad over the other idea I had been imagining...I had to let that go.  Joel did too and I could tell a little teeny part of his heart hurt. 

Just an hour or so later, I was working at the Bobbi Brown counter nearby and business was slow.  I stood there cleaning up the glosses and organizing lip shades and letting the whole idea of boy #3 sink in.  I dreamed, I imagined and truly started to bond with my newest and adorable little man.  A woman came up to the counter looking for an alternative to her Bare Mineral makeup and I had the chance to show her Bobbi's version...she ironically was the first person to ask me (without me telling her I'm pregnant) when I'm due.  I smiled and told her early June and told her it was great that I was starting to look pregnant and not just like I ate too much salted caramel bark over the holidays.  We both laughed...she then got a sad look over her eyes and out of nowhere shared, "I've been trying for over 8 years to get pregnant....maybe I'm just more in tune to pregnant women because of that."  There, in that moment, I remembered that pain. I felt it, saw it, smelled it.  I remembered that feeling I got when EVERYONE was pregnant all around me and it just wouldn't work for me.  It's amazing how people walk into your path at a time when you BOTH need it.

I encouraged her with my story, my dietary changes, and just wanted her to leave the counter with more than just BB products in hand....but also with hope.  It turns out she had endometriosis and with advanced maternal age, her doctor was using the big guns to get her pregnant.

In those few moments after this woman left the counter, I quickly uttered my thanks to God for the gift of another son....regardless of whatever I could imagine...I knew my God entrusted me with what He felt so grateful.
my 3 sons...2 on my lap, one teeny one in my tummy....


Yvonne Petkovich said...

Isn't our God amazing!! He has such a tender way of showing us how blessed we are even when we are feeling a little disappointed.

God blessed Ed and I with adoption. I remember how difficult it was in the beginning when I knew I wouldn't be having babies. But like so many other times in our lives, He blessed us special!

Much love, Yvonne

Terrica Joy said...

Oh man... how I identify with these emotions. Raw, honest, real, vulnerable human emotion. Beautiful. I walked thru something so similar when I learned we were having a little girl ;-) I kept reminding myself that God does exceedingly abundantly above all I could ask or imagine, and that if I was to have a little girl, anything else would be less than His best. I had to remind myself again that it wasn't about me, but about Him, and as always, His purposes are greater, better... perfect. 3 boys. Yep, perfection.

Cheryl said...

This was a great post. Whenever we have baby #3, I know I'm going to have my heart set on a boy. But God knows best. And what a divine appointment you had with the woman at the makeup counter. God uses our hard times for good and what a blessing that you actually got to see the good come out of your hard times. I love seeing his plan come together.

Becky at lifeoutoffocus said...

This made me tear up. You write so beautifully Jess. My heart broke when we were both trying for so long to get pregnant and how I felt when everyone around us was except us...then I was...then you were. Unlike you though, I wanted all girls so I never had to grieve that but I've heard of this before and I know that it doesn't make you any less grateful to grieve not having a girl. Trust me. But you are also right in that you are SO blessed to have your own babies and they're perfect and handsome men. I'm excited for you. Love you.