tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-85882944251234569872024-02-21T06:28:56.090-08:00Jude & LebeDesign, Culinary & Otherwise Motherly MusingsJMillerFamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10241943733537392871noreply@blogger.comBlogger403125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8588294425123456987.post-44912638143071600062015-06-30T13:04:00.001-07:002015-06-30T13:04:59.188-07:00A new label<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
It's been an intense year to say the least. With work and raising three sons and supporting my husband and trying to help my youngest to relearn his language skills, we finally came to the conclusion there might be more going on with Simon.<br />
<br />
You see, I had been telling my sons doctor of my concerns for months now....so many honest talks about his different way of showing affection, playing. Every time, my concerns were heard and graciously listened to but then I inevitably heard 'C'mon...what are you afraid of? Autism? Simon is NOT Autistic....don't worry about." <br />
<br />
It felt good to hear him say that. I remember buckling Simon into his car seat and telling myself, 'Jess just relax...he'll be fine!'<br />
<br />
Then month after month and we noticed regression in his language until every word he had ever spoken was gone. I had no idea the devastation of looking at him hold a ball after saying 'ball' a million times to no longer being able to say it. <br />
<br />
It was time to talk to a few different doctors....knowledgeable friends...our amazing school district and face some hard truth. In fact, my fear way back in that doctor office was in fact what was up. <br />
<br />
autism. <br />
<br />
I wasn't so much afraid of that as I'd been suspecting it for a while but wow. It was agony to sit in a room with a 28-page packet on my lap looking at the tests my son could not pass and read the paragraphs some stranger wrote about how my son interacts. Differently. I remember they kept saying 'Do you have any questions about this diagnosis?' And all I could do was sob and feel my face swell with grief and look to see the same on my husbands. It was like death. Not of a child but of the 'typical' expectations you have when you deliver a baby. Perhaps all would work out to be as close to typical...but in that moment, life changed a lot.<br />
<br />
There we were - joining this group of families that exist around the world who do life a little differently....who have challenges many others do not and it hurt. It hurt to feel different. I thought immediately to all my worst fears - would he ever play a sport? Would he ever have a girlfriend? Could he ever live on his own? Would he ever tell me he loves me? It was such a dark day and dark week....to be honest, its still a little dark in here.<br />
<br />
I relished times with him more, however, watching him play....babble...give hugs to his brothers or pet our new pup on her head. In a way, this new label, made me fall in love with him again...made me realize how lucky I got to be to be the one who takes charge of his education and learning while still loving him to bits. <br />
<br />
I could tell people in my life were praying for me - many friends reached out to show support and our parents have been so wonderful and understanding of where we are at and what we need. <br />
<br />
Things have been lining up for Simon - finally got our insurance to cover additional speech therapy....got him in an excellent school program due to start in August and am feeling the hope of God fill my heart. This boy - who I love more than anything - is going to do well with the love and support of his family and these incredible medical professionals all around him. <br />
<br />
The best advice I've gotten was from a friend who 100% understands where I'm at. It was simply: 'He's still your same Simon and always will be.' <br />
<br />
I hope you will agree to pray for my sweet boy. He's just turned 3. We're doing 90-120min of speech therapy per week and we're starting ABA therapy (DIY/Mom version at home) as insurance will not cover it and I don't have an extra $5K/month to pay for it....we are also beginning him on the PECS communication system to help give Simon a voice until those words begin to form and I truly believe they will. <br />
<br />
I was fearful to share this out loud - not because of shame - but because people can sometimes unknowingly say hurtful things when you are walking through something like this. ('He doesn't even look autistic!' etc.) But, the truth is - its not just Simon who needs extra help to get him to his next goal. So do we. So do my older boys. Our quality of life hasn't fluctuated too much since the diagnosis but we also want to protect everyone in the process. We are trying to not talk 'autism' and therapy too much. We're trying to get out of the house and laugh....go for walks...catch lightning bugs.<br />
<br />
Our little boy is honestly a breeze of a child to raise. He doesn't throw tantrums or fuss much at all. He transitions beautifully from one activity to the next. We're really just praying all the little pathways in his brain come together and we can hear those sweet words come out again. Thanks for reading this and for praying. <br />
<br />
All our love and xoxo,<br />
<br />
Joel, Jess, Jude, Leland and Simon<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhe01ZwvBi6Qq9dHBsDG5GCvNBPdqjHL2fiCour7v0RoWUC5RTocXA-Ff6gS9fJRb-8dzKaduF3_p9SAqoqlhRONI2r5nxE38UM_TUDjZOXM0KE-QdcufOPRnVB017OTYnLPJEiM4e5ipjA/s1600/huron11.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="428" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhe01ZwvBi6Qq9dHBsDG5GCvNBPdqjHL2fiCour7v0RoWUC5RTocXA-Ff6gS9fJRb-8dzKaduF3_p9SAqoqlhRONI2r5nxE38UM_TUDjZOXM0KE-QdcufOPRnVB017OTYnLPJEiM4e5ipjA/s640/huron11.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
JMillerFamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10241943733537392871noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8588294425123456987.post-41369873714617043532015-01-05T07:58:00.000-08:002015-01-05T07:58:33.344-08:00{choosing} to encourage my own heart<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Oh this little bloggy blog.<br />
<br />
I haven't touched it in a year and while I am perfectly ok with all the true and realistic reasons as to why - I was so motivated to write this morning. Not because of what anyone will think or say but simply because I need to channel the Jessica a few years ahead of me. The one who will tell me 'Hey you're going to get through this season....and you'll look back and see it when you get to where I am now."<br />
<br />
I told this very thing to Joel last night. Thinking back to that girl who wanted and ached to be pregnant a second time and watched that little firstborn play all on his own, with guilty little demons plaguing me. Here I am now - after giving him siblings. Those worries are the furthest from my mind.<br />
<br />
I swear life is simply a series of hurdles...in a race that we must choose to enjoy. Or rather enjoy who we race beside as there will be so many times when it will seem pointless. Like lets just bail and go to brunch. (thoughts I had several times during my actual race) <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizH4KdKlsSymbYMqwCBYR61OcZgm2RucThNOA6MdGlRKfvqYbDgD23uJrtPhxu8JvwIpPN_Usd-TReDgS74O_488RtYrbmoVW_Ak1oJLoYVhZFpGzMs-9u4nLIBMOxUBRlTy0l-A4x4p-T/s1600/SI.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizH4KdKlsSymbYMqwCBYR61OcZgm2RucThNOA6MdGlRKfvqYbDgD23uJrtPhxu8JvwIpPN_Usd-TReDgS74O_488RtYrbmoVW_Ak1oJLoYVhZFpGzMs-9u4nLIBMOxUBRlTy0l-A4x4p-T/s1600/SI.jpeg" height="640" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
Just wrapped up Simon's umpteenth speech therapy visit - I loved that his therapist took notes and clapped at his imitation and his improved eye contact. I love that she got so many hugs from him and he said, 'Huggggg!' like a million times....and I loved that he's listening to her and really trying to do what she is asking of him. Honestly, though, I just want to talk to my little boy already. I want to hear him say 'Mama Juice' or even yell at his brothers. I don't know why we're not moving through this as fast as I'd like to but it's just <b>such</b> slow progress. I don't do well with slow progress. I'm a list check-er-offer....I set the timer for 60 minutes once a day and do a mad dash clean. I like to 'get it done' and to be in control. Perhaps Simon's life was preserved through all hes been through to teach us just that....being in control doesn't even truly exist. I'm trying to remember who is and that I'm safer with Him at the helm. <br />
<br />
I encourage my own heart in writing this that hes come so far. From the 9lb 3 month old who I felt utter and complete failure over as his Mom. I mean, here we are, he is 40lbs and eating food like its his favorite past time (which it very well may be) That hurdle was a tough one - and we made it. <br />
<br />
I share this to write it out - perhaps one day I'll revisit it and remember how hard this was amidst Simon talking my ear off. I keep imagining it happening and hear and seeing him thrive in his little life. For now I'm trying to keep up the work our therapist has for us to do. I'm covering him in healing essential oils....praying for him....and reading to him. Joel sings to him and plays guitar with him...and his brothers play and protect and tickle him. If there is one thing I am so certain of in Simons little two and half years of life, it is he so well loved. He is so protected by his entire family and his thanks to us for all that comes in the form of his smile, his hugs and one day....his words. <br />
<br />
Keep him in your prayers {I know MANY of you do already} but it would do my heart so good to know he is prayed for and lifted up by any and all who might read this. Will end it here. He wants to eat again. <3 br=""></3><br />
<br />
xoxo<br />
Jess</div>
JMillerFamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10241943733537392871noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8588294425123456987.post-71267961805807362332014-02-28T04:40:00.000-08:002014-02-28T04:40:03.217-08:00a moment<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiySXprgQKO-TLPNKtTWfiCp4l3t76WLWtrnmbutrxn5DCrciiUmsHy9ysPRo3SyQX2pPEiwfusZVWgpNmQp_JbFjYjUMzHF_0BX7YY3pQDV3eM9yjxm23g0cqff8C7FAxmzbhbgLAW3Ddc/s1600/246582_10151209649453022_1238960199_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiySXprgQKO-TLPNKtTWfiCp4l3t76WLWtrnmbutrxn5DCrciiUmsHy9ysPRo3SyQX2pPEiwfusZVWgpNmQp_JbFjYjUMzHF_0BX7YY3pQDV3eM9yjxm23g0cqff8C7FAxmzbhbgLAW3Ddc/s1600/246582_10151209649453022_1238960199_n.jpg" height="428" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
Why is it so easy to fall into frustration over the normal? Had one of those moments late in the afternoon yesterday.<br />
<br />
Felt like I was just so done cleaning the same thing I clean three times each day....seeing to-do items on my list go un-checked....car issues arise at the always worst times....our old washer/dryer are baaaarely doing their job....blah blah....<br />
<br />
We've been hoping to put our house up for sale - to move closer to the city - for a while now. It's just seemed like such a difficult transition. How do we get this house prepped when we already feel like we're unable to get normal life done? How do you paint all the trim when you live with little messy mini human beings? Not to mention the prep for 'showings' and keeping a constant clean house. <br />
<br />
After a frustrating evening...a baby who preferred to mash his meatballs into the table instead of his mouth, I decided to go for a run. I ran and I ran....and I ran. It was as if each mile, more and more of the stress about what I can and cannot do began to disappear. <br />
<br />
I walked off the track, feeling good & accomplished. So much yet to be completed at home but what I had just completed was for me and it was the right thing. I pulled in my driveway and saw my husband working late....working hard....and then I got out of the car and heard a noise from above. <br />
<br />
Instantly, I teared up as I watched a helicopter fly from our nearby hospital heading towards the city (presumably the main Cleveland Clinic campus) and I remembered our horrible moment. The one where our baby was in that helicopter. I closed my eyes and realized how blessed I was to have marinara to scrub off the floor...his clothing to wash...his sippy cups to fill over and over again. Told God 'I'm sorry' for being so frustrated about the normal....and asked Him to help me get it done with His grace. <br />
<br />
Woke up to a 4yr old who wanted to cuddle at 6am...and instead of wishing for that extra 45 minutes of uninterrupted sleep...I cuddled him close and chose today to be a wonderful day...an accomplished one and one with gratitude instead of frustration. <br />
<br />
Just a little note - being real - being honest. Hope your Friday is off to a beautiful start.<br />
<br />
xoxo,<br />
<br />
J<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
JMillerFamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10241943733537392871noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8588294425123456987.post-29989186941038609382014-02-19T11:21:00.000-08:002014-02-19T11:24:09.340-08:00oh grace....<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<i>I had think for 10 minutes about the password to my own blog. That's how long its been.</i><br />
<br />
It's OK though.<br />
<br />
Life has been full...social...kids...work...love. All full in the right places.<br />
<br />
This year started out strong and I'm so grateful. This year's hope for our family was a continued path toward contentment but also to strive to reach personal goals while still trying to live in the moment.<br />
<br />
Last year, I started to feel guilty having my phone with me so much...taking photos so often of my kids...you think I post a lot? You should see the photos I <u>don't</u> post! Then I started reading articles and blogs of Moms who were putting their phones away and never having them out and I really got inspired by that....but then we nearly lost our youngest last Spring...and I remember on the flight home from Miami...turning on my phone and flipping through photo after photo of Simon. Looking at his face when I couldn't physically be close to him was beyond comforting to me. The videos of his laugh brought me closer still. It was then I was really glad for having my phone with me to capture as much of him as I could....just incase it would be all I had.<br />
<br />
So, with all that said, I'm aiming for balance this year - I know I will not do it perfectly. So I give myself grace. That feels nice to say.<br />
<br />
I.Give.Myself.Grace.<br />
<br />
No one has taught me more about grace than my husband. To many he seems like a tough, quieter fellow...but inside is someone who has been through SO much and yet still is so gentle & kind on the inside. I think about the times we've had blow ups and full on fought...grace was so far from my lips....but he's blown me away in how he covers my mistakes up with his love. <br />
<br />
I am way less uptight because of that and as my children are growing, I'm seeing how this balance of uptight, short on grace Mom + Gracious & hardworking Dad...is proving something beautiful and powerful in these little men we're raising. <br />
<br />
So, with this year already two months in, practically...just a little wave hello & encouragement to have grace on each other...take MORE photos of the people you love....send more notes (handwritten) ....and be extra kind and gracious to yourself. <br />
<br />
xo,<br />
Jess<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiHIbyZznsLpnPNtJQv99DRLVdyvyeLUCVywhn6wCiV7i6wMrxxfPReQzstvXMOwCYp7iKfN0UEoVki-atyeh4cvOaGdmknLk55eMNj0Bq5X6i02H5C1Q9MNkmsaHE6Ju9aY8xc21ypf3f/s1600/f6ecdeb808fb0633b876996f306828e2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiHIbyZznsLpnPNtJQv99DRLVdyvyeLUCVywhn6wCiV7i6wMrxxfPReQzstvXMOwCYp7iKfN0UEoVki-atyeh4cvOaGdmknLk55eMNj0Bq5X6i02H5C1Q9MNkmsaHE6Ju9aY8xc21ypf3f/s1600/f6ecdeb808fb0633b876996f306828e2.jpg" height="640" width="494" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
JMillerFamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10241943733537392871noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8588294425123456987.post-7861226388864130282013-11-02T04:59:00.000-07:002013-11-02T04:59:10.960-07:00Here's to 4<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzxUYN5F3l3NCAoEjh7h23m_QMmSlxrhE785mUE-JRKkQl3lo8s9zpQ7_tCXSxuPAPwL9GVEBpRCIvNN05kkVz1A8DNd5LDSQjl07Sl4mPD2Pz5TTTOvd1U-xZN5tktPFe8OwejmQkKsoY/s1600/1395303_10151826953983022_58661695_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzxUYN5F3l3NCAoEjh7h23m_QMmSlxrhE785mUE-JRKkQl3lo8s9zpQ7_tCXSxuPAPwL9GVEBpRCIvNN05kkVz1A8DNd5LDSQjl07Sl4mPD2Pz5TTTOvd1U-xZN5tktPFe8OwejmQkKsoY/s640/1395303_10151826953983022_58661695_n.jpg" width="428" /></a></div>
<br />
I can't help but cry when I think of 4 years ago today.<br />
<br />
Big belly. Aching back. So exhilarated from being at my sisters birth the very night before. Same room you'd be born in just 36hrs after your cousin, Josiah.<br />
<br />
This beautiful story is only more beautiful because of the person you are to me, Leland Ryan. You see you are such a communicator of love & affection. You are almost <b>always</b> talking to me, touching me, or telling me something you love about me. You might carry the genetic exact likeness of your introvert father, but you are all about the party, the life, the laughs. <br />
<br />
It's ironic, Lee, because just a few years before you joined us, your Mama was in a sad sad place. Lost baby Miller #2 and only Jude saw all those tears I cried - and he quietly sat on my lap watching little einsteins over and over so I could just sit still and grieve. God healed my heart with each passing week but a true joy finally replaced that sorrow when I heard your cry, held your tiny body and lifted your face to mine. I will absolutely never forget that moment. <u>The moment I first met you.</u> It was like a door closed to intense pain and another opened to joy & laughter again. You came in and healed my heart and made me believe again. You, Leland, my teeniest boy, are living proof that a mustard seed tid bit of faith can move a mountain. Your Dad even told me, 'Wow its good to have you back again...' and he was right. I was back.<br />
<br />
Your Dad took this photo of me - it's my favorite of us and always will be. I can close my eyes and be here in a moment. Remembering your warmth and your sweet little face...and seeing your Dad hold your hand on his finger. Nursing you was like wiping away tear after tear. You were and are my joy.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDcUgkwaYRxARd7h9G2IB_V2Y9xRwlpW5QFQpIwptNtY3tTI7mrLENVs67eSmXQK7TW5fSc_7-WowFpPZMEtnlFOjHaFMqzvqH0SUBo8Hjfz82m5qH7ja0tNXKRyBx-5ObKumI10qMeYgY/s1600/12859_165193138021_966634_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="428" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDcUgkwaYRxARd7h9G2IB_V2Y9xRwlpW5QFQpIwptNtY3tTI7mrLENVs67eSmXQK7TW5fSc_7-WowFpPZMEtnlFOjHaFMqzvqH0SUBo8Hjfz82m5qH7ja0tNXKRyBx-5ObKumI10qMeYgY/s640/12859_165193138021_966634_n.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
Today, you're 4. You're completely hilarious. We laugh constantly because of you. I am sometimes nervous in public with you because you're impossibly direct. You are also a big big BIG fibber. Flat out, you make things up. You've told strangers the craziest stories and we're working with you on being a truth teller but gosh, in the meantime, we're also really impressed with your imagination.<br />
<br />
Today - I am thankful for your light and your beautiful spirit. You're a terrific friend and you will be loyal to your friends as you grow - that is easy to see. Your eyes are the most gorgeous shade of blue - so bright and big. You give the best hugs out of the family so far. Seriously your hug could heal diseases. I love how you touch people. Physically, emotionally and even through humor. You're funny because you're not even trying to be funny. That's the best kind of funny there is. <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgahHw4obGzBlGMbSS1ZpOf47K6R-56qdQW3C-FBL_tgbA2WDjgk_FW07zh9eJiSA1znuL0XjCe430r93z58T4OSVSB5wL3SjXqaGM_VfvjIrwlJKUf4v93tkYHQ25y5apg-VCy2XBH_Zg/s1600/1395900_10151826952463022_1807583918_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="428" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgahHw4obGzBlGMbSS1ZpOf47K6R-56qdQW3C-FBL_tgbA2WDjgk_FW07zh9eJiSA1znuL0XjCe430r93z58T4OSVSB5wL3SjXqaGM_VfvjIrwlJKUf4v93tkYHQ25y5apg-VCy2XBH_Zg/s640/1395900_10151826952463022_1807583918_n.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
Last year, you became a big brother and that is when I was blown away by you. I remember you looking down at that baby and wondering if you were excited or if you were sad that you weren't the littlest anymore. I felt sad for you and excited for you. Sad because I knew my attention needed to be with this little brother of yours...and excited because I knew we'd given you a big gift in the form of a brother. <br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4q8DWptu9loeH2-9ANLxK9Ul8nvJcNCuIZGPTbLZLRdZGW0tkEv1bQ0FIrQO5x64xbiKa7EvWGl2kYPPsF9XZzpPK1SnCV_UAJmh_2jVTiipjwjv-UG8H2_IG1rCx1PZUGD1AqEdbNxJx/s1600/600099_10151011349513022_1915874718_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4q8DWptu9loeH2-9ANLxK9Ul8nvJcNCuIZGPTbLZLRdZGW0tkEv1bQ0FIrQO5x64xbiKa7EvWGl2kYPPsF9XZzpPK1SnCV_UAJmh_2jVTiipjwjv-UG8H2_IG1rCx1PZUGD1AqEdbNxJx/s640/600099_10151011349513022_1915874718_n.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">image by April O'Keefe</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
In the last 6 months, we've seen you go from sabotaging Simon to protecting Simon. I know you were really affected by Simon's seizure and you've prayed nearly every night since that he would be ok and he would never get fevers. I am in awe by your care for this baby (who is only 2lbs less than you but anyway) - you have truly arrived and have mastered the art of the 'little brother' and the art of the 'big brother' and you're rocking at it. Half your day is caring for this little bro who needs care and supervision....and the other half you're driving Jude insane by hiding his lego guys and demanding to watch your favorite show over his. You're pretty much the perfect middle kid and we love you more than life. <br />
<br />
Looking forward to celebrating you....eating cake with you...building legos with you...and hugging you and kissing you, sweet son. <br />
<br />
<i>I could not be more proud to be your Mom.</i><br />
<br />
Happy Birthday!<br />
<br />
Love always,<br />
Mommy</div>
JMillerFamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10241943733537392871noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8588294425123456987.post-20541268900763143582013-10-23T19:16:00.000-07:002013-10-23T19:16:05.187-07:00a quick video shoot<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
So, I had a video shoot yesterday. Nothing major or difficult. <br />
<br />
It was at the Cleveland Clinic. The main campus. No problem. Sitter was set. Makeup brushes washed.<br />
<br />
Was not prepared for the emotion I would feel pulling up to this clinic. The one we were just at 6 months back....with our Simon. The moments I had hoped to forget. <br />
<br />
I walked in, trying to keep my cool. All the while I had a lump in my throat. We were shooting in the same wing we stayed on. The one where I was hoping to hear from neurologists that we'd be able to get home by Mother's Day so I could wash my Mexico clothes...and just be with my baby.<br />
<br />
The smell reminded me of my emotions and watching child after child being wheeled around....and then watching their Moms. So tired. So done.<br />
<br />
I put on my makeup artist hat and tried to just get through it. I did, of course.<br />
<br />
Then after the 7-hour day, I went to call for my car from valet. Watched my car pull up in front of me and I remembered that day I held Simon as they wheeled us out. I was so afraid the moment we'd get home, he'd start seizing. I slept with him for a month. Literally. I didn't sleep in my own bed....only next to him. <br />
<br />
The time it took for the valet to bring my car seemed like an eternity. I saw a precious man wheel his father out. He lovingly took his fathers arms and placed him arms underneath and lifted his Dad into the seat. He put on his seatbelt and put back the wheel chair. He came back and seemed to check in with his Dad to make sure he was OK and drove off...<br />
<br />
I saw so many sick children. So pale and washed out. Some looked like they had been receiving treatment. No hair and their parents seemed all too familiar with this place. <br />
<br />
The valet FINALLY arrived and I let go. I cried hard. Cried hard for those families whose lives are surrounded by countless trips and treatments....<br />
<br />
We always say how glad and proud we are to live in Cleveland....Home to the globally renown Cleveland Clinic but if you walk inside....the pride turns quickly to humility at what the next person is facing. Their journey is different and difficult. There are days with good news and hope...but also days like today when I saw a family huddled together over their uneaten lunch crying. Crying over something awful. <br />
<br />
We shot a nurse in the Pediatric department who works weekends...has 3 sons....and is an all around normal girl. The part that inspired me was how much she lives for those 2 days/week when she's at work...helping little ones get well enough to go home. She spoke about purpose and her ability to see her skills at use in this job in every way: emotional, mental, physical. It made me so grateful for people in this industry who don't just care for their family (like me, most days) but strangers...and who calm scared parents and who help a little one to get a shot with a teddy bear and a popsicle. It's beautiful to see those with such gifts serving us but so humbling. <br />
<br />
Had to share....hope this made sense. xoxo Jess</div>
JMillerFamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10241943733537392871noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8588294425123456987.post-19700616573513851482013-09-23T05:49:00.002-07:002013-09-23T05:51:36.884-07:00Welcome Monday!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQsXOCDHZmXkvuuGnsgK8X-1EQMC62oMm8OsL80OFZuoEgUbPft9xqY6rrMa_aOpu8WTl-iT4zL-qfx5gFV0NK3v6KcThBnLL8KswpjRsNlCiM7ndiKlgy3p9f_hh35YkPgYffNFC83ID5/s1600/5680fbbbf1ee75aaf23443f0f85c8ed2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="448" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQsXOCDHZmXkvuuGnsgK8X-1EQMC62oMm8OsL80OFZuoEgUbPft9xqY6rrMa_aOpu8WTl-iT4zL-qfx5gFV0NK3v6KcThBnLL8KswpjRsNlCiM7ndiKlgy3p9f_hh35YkPgYffNFC83ID5/s640/5680fbbbf1ee75aaf23443f0f85c8ed2.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
Last week was bad.<br />
<br />
Like constant car repair, debit card hack, & appliance breakdown all in a 48hr period.<br />
<br />
Never a good time for any of those, but especially not all at once. It starts to mentally shake you. '<br />
<br />
'Why is this happening?' <br />
'Why did God allow it?' <br />
'Haven't we been faithful with what we have?'<br />
<br />
Had to resort, eventually, to the idea that its just life. Life can just really bite sometimes.<br />
<br />
Typically when I post something on social media, it's of the funny/positive nature. To me, negativity is everywhere and I don't like to contribute to it. But, life certainly takes on its hills and valleys....and it seems like the valleys are so much darker....<br />
<br />
This weekend was jam packed.<br />
<br />
Joel and I connected last night and decided this week would be better. We'd be intentional about conversation. We would love through action. We would listen harder to the cute things our kids have to say. We would read more. We would tickle them more. We would kiss more.<br />
<br />
So, welcome Monday. I am filling you with many tasks that need to be done - starting with this tornado of a house situation.<br />
<br />
BUT<br />
<br />
First off, I'm thankful. I'm grateful for:<br />
<br />
-My husband who works HARD s o o o H A R D.<br />
-My eldest son who is occasionally the man of the house - who inspires me and cares for me too.<br />
-My middle son who is director of comedy & affection. His touch makes me feel like I'm doing something right.<br />
-My baby boy. Who I adore but is suddenly acting like a boy and not a baby. Planning to swaddle him today to tell him 'That's NOT OK!' ;-)<br />
-My wonderful family - supportive parents who pray and who help us get our broken fridge out to the curb.<br />
-Beautiful friends - ones who text/call/write/pray or even ones who give us a new 'used' fridge. I'm thankful I can be real and still be loved. That's amazing.<br />
-A job that is something I so enjoy - yet I can put my family first.<br />
<br />
<br />
Heart is ready for a new week. Do you have something you are thankful for? Encourage my heart by sharing with me what you choose to be grateful for this morning.<br />
<br />
xoxo,<br />
Jess</div>
JMillerFamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10241943733537392871noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8588294425123456987.post-27956248609584287452013-08-21T11:35:00.000-07:002013-08-21T11:35:08.552-07:00hello little neglected blog<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
This summer has been FULL of challenge, joy, & life.<br />
<br />
I've not gotten around to all the jobs I set out to do in my home.<br />
I did not cross off every item on my bucket list.<br />
I did not manage to keep to my 'do 1 load of laundry a day' goal<br />
<br />
BUT<br />
<br />
I did have some amazing conversations with my husband in the back yard over a glass of wine....swing in the hammock reading a book over and over to Leland....watch my baby take his first steps - TOWARD me with a smile on his face....<br />
<br />
I've been savoring moments but truth be told, I've been healing. My heart was broken watching my Simon walk through what he did back in May. I didn't realize how much a trip to the beach watching him play in sand could heal my heart from that trauma. I had no idea how whole I would feel seeing my husband make him bust a gut laughing by just throwing sand on his toes or handing him a wiggly lightening bug.<br />
<br />
Last summer was just hard. I felt like that woman who is out in the middle of a body of water just trying to keep my head up. This summer, I was the one who sat on a raft and enjoyed myself a bit more. It was a little less work and a little more play. I think I can forever call it good and call it time well spent.<br />
<br />
In all the madness of school prep, I slowed down to write Jude a '1st day' note for his lunch box. There was so much I wanted him to know. Just didn't want it to be a '1st day novel' as I know he would not have time to read it all. So, I summed it up and kept it sweet but had to include how much our God loves him...and created him for so many wonderful things. I started to cry as I wrote that. I realized how powerful it is to mother. To care for a child inside of you and then from the moment they are born....you begin to lose control....little by little. Sometimes it's nice (like when they don't need you every hour through the night) but then sometimes its hard. (Like when they prefer the bus over waving goodbye after closing the car door).<br />
<br />
I sat there with my 3rd cup of coffee....tears streaming down....just grateful for a healthy boy who still kisses me when he wakes up and hugs me before bed....who notices when I wear lipstick (and then asks where we're going-haha) and who reads and reads and then shares in detail what he's learned. I love that he's a talker (usually) and I'm trying to slow down more this school year so I can really listen.<br />
<br />
Cheers to all you Mamas out there...say adios to little ones for the first time....or perhaps missing those '1st days of school' as those years have passed. Clinking my coffee mug with yours!<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYmLLFJe15wMjZkDtkoluqXud-QHAa76znaqi4DWzQ1VQ1Qz3B9Af9n4l1k3EXOLZ-wCKgxSJC6sf7lgjLvBSaW_Qh4tBrynTcMM19rf1jfh0s9u1N-hK6_HXGbe0O4hEXegXKhfRsXFU2/s1600/securedownload.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYmLLFJe15wMjZkDtkoluqXud-QHAa76znaqi4DWzQ1VQ1Qz3B9Af9n4l1k3EXOLZ-wCKgxSJC6sf7lgjLvBSaW_Qh4tBrynTcMM19rf1jfh0s9u1N-hK6_HXGbe0O4hEXegXKhfRsXFU2/s640/securedownload.jpeg" width="450" /></a></div>
<br />
<span id="goog_1176693609"></span><span id="goog_1176693610"></span><br /></div>
JMillerFamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10241943733537392871noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8588294425123456987.post-25216116547802880152013-07-02T18:54:00.002-07:002013-07-02T18:54:52.258-07:00carpe diem<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I remember learning this phrase at the Teen mania Honor Academy. Maybe learning it a little too much.<br />
<br />
It was all I could think to call this post, however.<br />
<br />
It's summer. Nearly the 4th of July. We've celebrated Simon's life....his 1st birthday. His biggest bro's 8th birthday...his Dad's 33rd birthday. (SO done with all the bdays btw)<br />
<br />
Now, we simply live. Except it's different. I've been writing down on our chalkboard wall all the special things we're doing:<br />
<br />
1-Beach trips<br />
2-Playdates<br />
3-Picnics in the park<br />
4-Visiting a new puppy<br />
<br />
<br />
Because it all just matters more than it ever did. Simon is here and alive. I feel like every color is more vibrant and every sound is more intense. Life just seems more valuable than ever. Like even dancing in the kitchen feels really special. Laying on a blanket in the yard is such a treat. Going out for ice cream makes the weekend. <br />
<br />
You get it.<br />
<br />
In other news - not only is Simon alive and well but he's eating everything. He ate his first pb&j. His first pasta with meat sauce and his first strawberry this week. Exciting stuff. When the big boys come to the table for a meal, he goes and takes turns begging like a pup to each brother...waiting for a morsel. Even if he's just stuffed himself with his own meal first. This failure to thrive baby is turning into a hulk baby and I love it. Man boobs, big ole white belly and chunky thighs. Simon is here, alive and well.<br />
<br />
Thought you'd like to know.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDZaUJ6K5dGyKD7WlYcWmvO6eYLfHK0XVaseVXuQuVmbLp3YSjPFPgNf1raHe1vwR8U5zsAXc9kLtKNLXJJfkYU1i0jyxL0VC0GVnPON30WIKKw2vWqG_TvIkWpfdm3PbP49XLQ25lOZHH/s960/931172_10151624150073022_1297628760_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDZaUJ6K5dGyKD7WlYcWmvO6eYLfHK0XVaseVXuQuVmbLp3YSjPFPgNf1raHe1vwR8U5zsAXc9kLtKNLXJJfkYU1i0jyxL0VC0GVnPON30WIKKw2vWqG_TvIkWpfdm3PbP49XLQ25lOZHH/s640/931172_10151624150073022_1297628760_n.jpg" width="480" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOTTpEVXt7RBqD1aCgUSE_Z-t5-AtZUAO_EXWBrBruMC-8milQsyn9btWreyr1blhvpPDEGLNV0ZmZFHYcc7an-116IuqEmy-baxh7MbKXaJSZ1ZUL6NMjnVWDDQe188D3CF7X65Ua-MSF/s960/942633_10151629379348022_1006178537_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOTTpEVXt7RBqD1aCgUSE_Z-t5-AtZUAO_EXWBrBruMC-8milQsyn9btWreyr1blhvpPDEGLNV0ZmZFHYcc7an-116IuqEmy-baxh7MbKXaJSZ1ZUL6NMjnVWDDQe188D3CF7X65Ua-MSF/s320/942633_10151629379348022_1006178537_n.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaQaDQebdC2yz-MvxYKbgzHdrdy-7HE2hmUD9ns1bC2-KgHTF7V9o2XNqRTPJwi6NEORJdLqe5rA6290UNlH0zOfilqujySiJ4P5prsJLX0hFlf9YDhk9QinG7eH5HVY2NwF3MUVw793Q8/s960/970051_10151631140648022_986793440_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaQaDQebdC2yz-MvxYKbgzHdrdy-7HE2hmUD9ns1bC2-KgHTF7V9o2XNqRTPJwi6NEORJdLqe5rA6290UNlH0zOfilqujySiJ4P5prsJLX0hFlf9YDhk9QinG7eH5HVY2NwF3MUVw793Q8/s640/970051_10151631140648022_986793440_n.jpg" width="480" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiH1ZyPvFpkAraTbkOVWxXIAh_JcW6sSQ_kUU4sPBwJn-bw9m6oUxENZGTryiW19rHBQ-a_Gov-V60z8S_s4dypB8AWuXngwTivIfz-MGHbg0EnClGp2_GlstZGGwENRcPsAN0XMKWq_S4I/s960/999244_10151624146828022_677115253_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="604" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiH1ZyPvFpkAraTbkOVWxXIAh_JcW6sSQ_kUU4sPBwJn-bw9m6oUxENZGTryiW19rHBQ-a_Gov-V60z8S_s4dypB8AWuXngwTivIfz-MGHbg0EnClGp2_GlstZGGwENRcPsAN0XMKWq_S4I/s320/999244_10151624146828022_677115253_n.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSNNR-f9C5teemTcJtLfAAYKFKvTJf_4JCrgPvYet61f5b9JGecOIxhEL2sIywS0PbxeHAmtNxwair-FcZe-QBy6dgakDC_Y0oTloFzwKY20Ys7lFthaQYWqgLp5LVgbeWPCWs9agGwe6o/s960/1001054_10151626044188022_470675981_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="612" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSNNR-f9C5teemTcJtLfAAYKFKvTJf_4JCrgPvYet61f5b9JGecOIxhEL2sIywS0PbxeHAmtNxwair-FcZe-QBy6dgakDC_Y0oTloFzwKY20Ys7lFthaQYWqgLp5LVgbeWPCWs9agGwe6o/s960/1001054_10151626044188022_470675981_n.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiutdmFHzs3nFoN6SP2yumJ9ANK6hAavyit8HkF5s7_j04fEmAOQ7tNfDd91MBruaQIViruFb1gd9Bs5qpCV54RbLnOvCm7lL5w6REJD8NOanmtOiHzT9NeLmMrN5an2gY-gNBXAjEUVa_r/s960/1012622_10151624152068022_1488338888_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiutdmFHzs3nFoN6SP2yumJ9ANK6hAavyit8HkF5s7_j04fEmAOQ7tNfDd91MBruaQIViruFb1gd9Bs5qpCV54RbLnOvCm7lL5w6REJD8NOanmtOiHzT9NeLmMrN5an2gY-gNBXAjEUVa_r/s640/1012622_10151624152068022_1488338888_n.jpg" width="480" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
JMillerFamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10241943733537392871noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8588294425123456987.post-72141296512014570542013-05-14T19:20:00.003-07:002013-05-14T19:20:57.803-07:00close call<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgn79VgqsOsBrnJXg7A4aqL2OjhrXSoqyct4UunHogTdK3e5S9PN1KJOOAHqCmIhLvVdLW9_Y9CaxL441Fx8Xz_Pf5FTmb83VUXPoyxVj5W3E9iZxO_wHn5XR2S0QVLFU03HjPTpy45NuL4/s1600/485512_10151554160388022_633645003_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgn79VgqsOsBrnJXg7A4aqL2OjhrXSoqyct4UunHogTdK3e5S9PN1KJOOAHqCmIhLvVdLW9_Y9CaxL441Fx8Xz_Pf5FTmb83VUXPoyxVj5W3E9iZxO_wHn5XR2S0QVLFU03HjPTpy45NuL4/s640/485512_10151554160388022_633645003_n.jpg" width="426" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
Venturing through emotion - especially pain is always more fruitful when I write about it. When I get it out of my head. I feel less 'stuck' and less 'trapped' this way.<br />
<br />
To those of you unaware of the trauma we've just come through, while on our final evening on a week long trip to Mexico for our anniversary, we got the 'call' - the one you hope to GOD you will never get. The call that your child is in danger. Not just 'gashed his head and is going to need stitches and some ice...'<br />
<br />
Real deal danger. Like....he's on a ventilator and they hope he will be breathing on his own soon. <br />
<br />
WHAT?!!??!??!<br />
<br />
Was I not just skipping through Riviera Maya....bartering for hand painted maracas to bring home to this very baby? Was I not JUST about to get together and go grab dinner with my husband and celebrate our final night in Mexico? Weren't we just at a Starbucks that had a Mariachi band singing at it? <br />
<br />
And in a moment. We panic. We fear. We freeze. I couldn't even cry yet. I just sat there wide eyed wondering if there was any way to feel any more helpless than I did at that moment?<br />
<br />
My Dad and Mom were with our children while we were away and it was my poor Mom who had to see the entire ordeal take place. An 11 month old. Having a seizure. That would not stop. <br />
<br />
Just like we do, as women, we rise to the occasion and we act. She swiftly called 911 and they were to our home in moments. Off they went and he went on to have 2 additional seizures. The 3rd one would not stop. 20 minutes....finally they had to put him into a coma that slowed everything down, including him needing to be on a machine that would breathe for him. 11 months old! Tiny! <br />
<br />
With a fantastic NICU at the hospital he was at yet not as much by the way of helping a 22lb baby, they felt he needed even more precise care and proceeded to life flight him to the downtown Cleveland Clinic campus. My poor Mom is handling this all like a pro - and with a dear friend of ours (who happens to be a NICU nurse and stayed by her side) but still - who wants to be the one dealing with all of this with SOMEONE ELSE'S baby? <br />
<br />
My sweet Dad cried over the phone explaining how awful a sight it was to see. He was worried and when you are a girl and your Dad worries, it's scary. This was truly my nightmare. Joel's brother and sister (who were with us on the trip celebrating THEIR anniversary) started getting the ball rolling - securing an earlier flight home, helping us pack, speaking life over us and trying to keep things light.<br />
<br />
Alarms were set for 2:30am to catch a 3:30am cab to catch a 6am flight out of Cancun. From the moment we left the hotel, we no longer had a wifi connection and had to wait 7 hours until landing in Miami so we could switch on our phones and find out if our boy was breathing....had brain activity....or not.<br />
<br />
He did. He was breathing. His brain looked awesome. We sighed. We cried. We just wanted to hold him. The planes seemed to go in slow motion. I tried to eat and I tried to sleep but how do you do anything that could seem pleasurable when you are away from your suffering child? I couldn't.<br />
<br />
Finally, we arrived in Detroit - sweet friends actually drove our vehicle to the airport so we could just leave from there - and off we went. <br />
<br />
I remember holding him the first time and he was restless but sleepy. He just didn't look like my Simon. He looked so pale and so exhausted. He'd been through so much. All I could feel was, 'I should have been the one that was with him.' So.much.guilt.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhA1nMm55NTTt6dg8LLDSUpMB3sAtzQ5urr4P2JJY8UKRrQ0pFAtqFiF1dJKnOCZS9VYOCMUC_NvsXYlTfwhohy5wL1w4X-xNbMEo2YUA0GWt1XHE_K1hTksx4_KOJ6iqCpVhzjRI4vXcsJ/s1600/485605_10151554329843022_695978566_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhA1nMm55NTTt6dg8LLDSUpMB3sAtzQ5urr4P2JJY8UKRrQ0pFAtqFiF1dJKnOCZS9VYOCMUC_NvsXYlTfwhohy5wL1w4X-xNbMEo2YUA0GWt1XHE_K1hTksx4_KOJ6iqCpVhzjRI4vXcsJ/s640/485605_10151554329843022_695978566_n.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
Hours went by. They kept him a bit longer in ICU as he was just not coming out of his groggy state well. He wouldn't make eye contact and only slightly seemed to know us. I freaked out. I tried to keep composure but it was in THAT moment, I lost it. Worrying over every thing that could have happened. Did he lose oxygen long enough that his brain will forever be affected? Is he even going to be the same boy I knew? I felt like I was suffocating under all this worry. I told Joel I needed to walk around the clinic a bit.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXsxmx3H45YUUyX6Uo2ZrxBHPBZp2WDSpvXpWbYH6ig2I1_phZsDqPl0EDjZgyhd78dVgrjWFWHU8MR0xKDXeX638112Hmv3CB7bj879ARf4S6TnhD_SvLbuizilREqj0eOtjFr_IZM4_v/s1600/294895_10151554852333022_1904437832_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXsxmx3H45YUUyX6Uo2ZrxBHPBZp2WDSpvXpWbYH6ig2I1_phZsDqPl0EDjZgyhd78dVgrjWFWHU8MR0xKDXeX638112Hmv3CB7bj879ARf4S6TnhD_SvLbuizilREqj0eOtjFr_IZM4_v/s640/294895_10151554852333022_1904437832_n.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
I went down to the chapel. A quiet man was on his knees praying and I went to the back corner and knelt down. I thought, "I'll just be real quiet and offer my prayer up...." and I sobbed....so loud I couldn't control it. Body shaking, tears flowing and gasping for air in between. I wept. I truly wept. I didn't even know what to pray at this point. My child was alive but what if he wasn't going to recover? What if What if What if What if.............every sentence I began to think started with those two words.<br />
<br />
After about 8 minutes of this. The sweet and small little man spoke, 'Excuse me, can I help you or get you anything?" <br />
<br />
Pause.<br />
<br />
I looked his direction but couldn't even look him in the eye and said, 'Please pray for my son, Simon." He said he would and I threw my head back down. Embarrassed at what a mess I was. <br />
<br />
I saw him write in a book and shortly thereafter leave. I finished my prayer and got myself together. I noticed the prayer book he must have written in. I decided to leave my own prayer. I don't even remember what I wrote but I do remember what others wrote. I looked back at the entry just before mine and it said, 'I trust you, Jesus.' and that's it. <br />
<br />
That's all he wrote.<br />
<br />
I looked at the page prior and a woman prayed for her husband - ending with 'I trust in you God."<br />
<br />
The one before that....someone praying for strength for that day and for results they would receive. They wrote, 'I trust in you. I put my hope in you.'<br />
<br />
I felt so feeble and small. I could have written blog paragraphs but that sentence would have been found no where in any of them. <br />
<br />
I sat still and asked God to forgive me for my lack of trust and my incredibly large fear. I told Him I knew He must adore Simon and care for Him since He made him....and added one last sentence to my page. "I trust in you."<br />
<br />
Easy to write. Hard to do.<br />
<br />
The morning after, we noticed our Simon started to smile. I sang him 'You are my sunshine..." (or as much of it as I could get through) and he smiled at me like he always had. He was as wobbly as a 3 month old and couldn't hold any body parts up but he smiled. I saw him in there finally.<br />
<br />
<br />
The following day, he was holding his head and babbling...'Dadadada....mamamama....babbababa...." <br />
<br />
The next day, he was sitting up and acting SO close to himself. That day. The day before Mother's Day we were told we could go home. I wanted to cry and jump around all at the same time without yanking cords off of him, of course! <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihWOn5pki4BXRbn1goFCysk9NtREco9G4am822Ojeee6jtgp9ISt86VsP4todJvwCKnqAzeuvzDLyIrxIQJysNNtLON6NrSJmxuajdfeNEklhKOzwnT2BpZlgv2k1BRBjY7uRzRorObaNm/s1600/945493_10151556550313022_268225273_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihWOn5pki4BXRbn1goFCysk9NtREco9G4am822Ojeee6jtgp9ISt86VsP4todJvwCKnqAzeuvzDLyIrxIQJysNNtLON6NrSJmxuajdfeNEklhKOzwnT2BpZlgv2k1BRBjY7uRzRorObaNm/s640/945493_10151556550313022_268225273_n.jpg" width="480" /></a></div>
<br />
The diagnosis of all he had been dealing with was called a complex febrile seizure. If you're unfamiliar, I highly recommend reading <a href="http://clevelandeast.macaronikid.com/article/109220/macaroni-health">this article</a> as it clearly explains it and how common it is. The main risk he has from this point is having another febrile seizure. So, we're doing all we can to avoid him having a fever but ultimately....we are learning the difference between 'trusting in God' and saying we trust in God. It's really really different and we're not super great at it. We're trying, though....and thankfully a mustard seed is small which means, I can't be far off. (Luke 17:6)<br />
<br />
I have SO many people to thank - as it was remarkable to see how a family stretching across the globe came together for this one little Simon boy.<br />
<br />
To all of those who prayed, shared the image I posted....or just wrote/texted to encourage. Thank you for making me feel like I wasn't alone.<br />
<br />
To the beautiful staff of the CLE clinic...from docs to nurses to the guy/gal who flew the helicopter...I'm trying hunt you down so I can bring you muffins or a pie or something....<br />
<br />
To my sister inlaw's family who helped secure our flight change....arrange our vehicle coming back to us, you moved fast and you loved us through your actions!<br />
<br />
To our precious neighbors who watched our sons and tried to help them not be afraid. You were there. We will never forget that.<br />
<br />
To our friends who have/are bringing us meals....dropping off coffee...calling, texting. Thank you! Means more than you know - to a Puerto Rican, food is LOVE. <br />
<br />
To the amazing staff at Twist Creative - for offering to send us our favorite meal from anywhere in the city....what a treat - we loved our Greenhouse Tavern to-go.... <br />
<br />
To those 3 friends I facebooked right away - you prayed. you paced. you cried. you made me feel like I wasn't alone because that was the truth. You've since visited, cooked and been such a blessing to us with words and faith. <br />
<br />
To my brother and sister: Ryan and Kim - you are more than family, you are the people who can see the pain, the ugly, the lack of faith and speak life and beauty into it. Thank you for coming and being in CLE when all you had was Mexico luggage and it snowed here. Thank you for loving my older sons and giving them a great 'bacation' at the hotel pool....you were such a ray of light in a dark moment.<br />
<br />
To Karla...our friend, NICU nurse, angel. You stayed by my Mom's side and you spoke to Simon even when he was stuck with a million tubes and probes...and simply told him you were there....you held my Mom through a dark night and you were a presence that gave us all strength and peace. <br />
<br />
To Dad...I'm so sorry you had to make that call but I am so thankful those boys were in such good hands....and that you kept the older ones safe and protected from fear. I always looked to you for that growing up and you gave them that in this time.<br />
<br />
To Mom - words won't do it. The action. The prayer. You were by his side and you kept my son alive with your faith. I will always love you because you are my Mom but you are SO much more than that to me. You are truly my hero. I am so blessed that this happened when they were with you - and that your knowledge and experience could provide you with wisdom and perceptive ability to move quick. I have thought of a million 'Omg what if he had been here....' and I truly believe he's here alive, smiling, giggling and getting stuck under the piano every hour or so....because of you.<br />
<br />
There is the story. I was encouraged by several of you to write it down. Truth be told, I just wanted to forget it all but I think there is purpose in writing it all down. The next time I write it will be about the fabulous 6 days PRIOR to this event. I am trying to separate the two as we really did have a remarkable vacation - more on that later.<br />
<br />
All our love and thanks.....<br />
<br />
<br />
Joel and Jess<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
JMillerFamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10241943733537392871noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8588294425123456987.post-31042979809117368842013-03-05T07:25:00.001-08:002013-03-05T07:25:14.728-08:00perception<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
We've all heard the saying that perception is reality.<br />
<br />
I'm finding that such a barrier to doing my job as a makeup artist. I mean, I'm here to bring out the most positive assets in a woman. To help her understand that I'm not lying when I say her eyes are such a radiant shade of green or that her skin is really so flawless or that her lips make me want to try on a million different berry-colored shades.<br />
<br />
<i><b>I wouldn't say that if it weren't true. </b></i><br />
<br />
Just the other day, I was helping out at a Bobbi Brown counter only to have these 2 really cute sisters come up. They appeared to be in their late 40's or early 50's. The one was celebrating her birthday and wanted to treat herself to some makeup or a skin care product and had already loved Bobbi Brown for years. <br />
<br />
We sat her down and took off what makeup she already had on. We talked over her concerns and at one point I had to stop her. She wouldn't stop telling me everything she hated about herself. It broke my heart. It was her birthday. She couldn't tell me one thing she loved. One thing she wanted to accentuate.<br />
<br />
Want to know what was worse?<br />
<br />
Her sister chimed in and echoed each negative thing. 'Oh yes, her lines are SO deep now....her lips just disappear so don't put any dark lipstick on her...oh yea, I would just keep it simple so you don't draw attention to her forehead wrinkles!"<br />
<br />
Horrifying.<br />
<br />
Finally, the woman I was assisting did me the biggest favor and offered to do the 'other sister's' makeup just to shush her up for 10 minutes.<br />
<br />
I finally had a minute with the birthday girl. I told her what I really loved about her skin and we addressed her concerns with some tips and products. I showed her a new palette that would help her do a 5-minute eye and be her 'go to' for both daytime/evening eyes. I even purposely aligned myself between the two sisters so they couldn't see eachother or make any remarks. <br />
<br />
A few moments went by and I was really happy with how fresh her skin looked and how much we popped her sky blue eyes. I showed her a mirror and her expression was priceless. She didn't say she loved it but she was shocked. 'Oh my gosh. My eyes look so big!" (That was the first positive thing she had said about herself since walking up) Once the sister was done, we moved out of the way and let them look at each other.<br />
<br />
It was such a beautiful moment hearing them compliment each other for the firs time in our entire encounter together. "You remind me of Mom right now with how blue your eyes look!"<br />
<br />
LOVE. <br />
<br />
My prayer is that we would all understand how important it is to compliment ourselves. Not in a weirdo psychotic way in the mirror a million times a day. Just simple. "I really DO like my lips. I am going to try and play up these cheek bones." Ah. I am not really great at this - just working on it and finding it really really powerful. <br />
<br />
Hope this finds the women who need to hear it. All my love.<br />
<br />
XO,<br />
Jess<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1Bw_VCXIyC6XWUHPaiWWR6xtdfmxk940Zk5ybw-Wg0L-6NIQJQ2BNz4AO-QE-PTyURAVGmoQl3cmS4rDf7yJSQ8BRtXJ3i2ivdggs7b2flpRLNcqCp8FVFpsBxoPC-ohVTFpRXpO1M4m9/s1600/sophia-loren-quotes.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="464" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1Bw_VCXIyC6XWUHPaiWWR6xtdfmxk940Zk5ybw-Wg0L-6NIQJQ2BNz4AO-QE-PTyURAVGmoQl3cmS4rDf7yJSQ8BRtXJ3i2ivdggs7b2flpRLNcqCp8FVFpsBxoPC-ohVTFpRXpO1M4m9/s640/sophia-loren-quotes.jpeg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
JMillerFamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10241943733537392871noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8588294425123456987.post-61836360202733714772013-02-28T19:16:00.000-08:002013-02-28T19:16:12.193-08:00impossibly big joy<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Do you write down when the good things happen?<br />
<br />
Sometimes I use this little blog to help as free therapy during the tough times?<br />
<br />
Like when my baby wouldn't grow. And when we thought he might not ever grow. Like when my husband would secretly call the Pediatrician to get more information because he didn't want to scare me with his fear of our baby dying.<br />
<br />
Or like when your son sits with you at a table for the 2nd time having to hear his parents retell another story of a school shooting while simultaneously assuring him of his own safety at school. When, really, you are so afraid too.<br />
<br />
Or like when you have a crappy Christmas and everyone is sick and you ate too much and you feel rotten about yourself.<br />
<br />
I usually blog then.<br />
<br />
I blog today a bit differently.<br />
<br />
To boast about how life's ebb and flow turns just slightly to offer refreshment, serenity, and a dash of joy around several corners of the day. <br />
<br />
From the look in my (now chubby) baby's eyes the moment he sees me each morning....like it's the greatest thing he could ever see. <br />
<br />
Or when my 3yr old holds my hand and tells me he loves me out of nowhere or that he is proud of me for going potty like a big girl just like he goes potty. ;-)<br />
<br />
Or when your oldest picks up around the house just so you can relax after dinner and not worry over it.<br />
<br />
I must say this is not because of me or anything I've done but because I truly believe in the power of being a child of God and being loved...in being a daughter first, in being a friend, a lover, a mother, a sister. I've been hearing and listening to my own heart lately and that has required intense focus. A focus I wasn't granting myself because this last season was just so intense and hard. Preferred sleep over 'me time' - normal completely normal, I know.<br />
<br />
I just have to say I'm grateful this year is spinning around and looking differently. My husband and I are heading towards our 10 year celebration of marriage - I am so grateful we found one another. A boy from Michigan. A girl from Ohio. Who met in Texas.<br />
<br />
But that's another blog post.<br />
<br />
G'Nite. Write down the good. It helps.<br />
<br />
xo,<br />
Jess<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuAtNB6KOlXbdz1glmdZ3xW3Zi3dA_uDnbF8kkJdkUuaJ2BuwUX8RvCRAgHzhGzasvqAAN_fVRaJ2XmA7l6m9fMPfJeq-HnuvEsUhGzsuzcvEx0sUFhfSDI552bItkdJdCLx1msHdYozc8/s1600/14005413349.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuAtNB6KOlXbdz1glmdZ3xW3Zi3dA_uDnbF8kkJdkUuaJ2BuwUX8RvCRAgHzhGzasvqAAN_fVRaJ2XmA7l6m9fMPfJeq-HnuvEsUhGzsuzcvEx0sUFhfSDI552bItkdJdCLx1msHdYozc8/s640/14005413349.jpeg" width="410" /></a></div>
<br />
<br /></div>
JMillerFamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10241943733537392871noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8588294425123456987.post-6606545145275203022013-02-20T08:56:00.000-08:002013-02-20T08:56:21.823-08:00the real deal<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Joel and I have been on a quest in the 12 years of friendship and (almost) 10 years of marriage for something: A U T H E N T I C I T Y<br />
<br />
Whether it was in each other - choosing truth over half truths<br />
<br />
Whether it was in church - refusing the types of leadership who self-serve or perpetuate their church by looking for the wealthy patrons and giving only 'those' people their love and care. Instead, we sought after the types who laid their own lives down for others.<br />
<br />
Whether it was in work - giving our 100% even if, at the time, our boss never cared or noticed.<br />
<br />
Whether it was in friends - choosing safety in friendships over quantity<br />
<br />
<br />
Last night, I went to the gym where I've been working out since the beginning of 2013. It was a workout I had done before and I was looking forward to doing it better than I had last time. I had energy, felt well, and was excited to feel like I accomplished something.<br />
<br />
There is a move we did - it is this plank move where you have your feet on these 'sliding' type pads and then you bring your legs toward your chest and then out again over and then once you're strong enough you start to move them to either side, really working all muscles in your core.<br />
<br />
The first time I ever tried this (a few wks back) I was seriously embarrassed that I couldn't even move my legs at the same time. My mind told my body to do it but when I tried, I would just lose my balance and go to my knees. So, I started with a basic plank for the last 2 weeks and last night, I tried the move the way it was intended. I was shocked that I actually did it. I didn't think too long over it just kept doing it and doing it. A few minutes later, the greatest trainer in the world steps over and whispers in my ear, 'You are getting so Strong....can you feel it?" <br />
<br />
It wasn't until today that I realized something about relationships and authenticity.<br />
<br />
We can't be authentic unless we're willing to 'notice' the good about others. We can't be genuine in our relationships and be insecure about giving a compliment at the same time. I know not everyone is naturally prone towards giving affirming words but I DO know the power of what they give to a person. They provide safety and life, they speak power and fill your tank bit by bit. I do know that we can ALL try it and be successful at it without feeling worse about ourselves...in fact, I believe it builds up the giver almost as much or maybe even more.<br />
<br />
I was recently working at a small store with a very small staff. I was accused of being fake and psycho. 2 things I really really hope I am not. I had no idea how toxic the environment was hearing that over and over again....until I was away from it. Sometimes God moves us from place to place simply to purify how we believe and think about ourselves. Similarly, Jude had a friend who was being unkind with his words on the bus towards him. It made Jude feel awful and it was ME who saw those tears each day after he hopped off that bus. So, naturally I had him moved a few rows away from this child and each and every day we've seen a happy Jude come home. I like to think God did the same for me. He is a Father who hates seeing us hurt.<br />
<br />
Woke up this morning to a really lovely text from a friend - one whose been there through thick and thin and just had to write about how powerful I felt the connection was between 'being real and vulnerable' and choosing to GIVE generously with our words. <br />
<br />
Hope it sparks something in your own relationships...and encourages you to be the one who begins/continues to affirm those in your life. <br />
<br />
Refreshing others is refreshment to oneself...<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfAIy61-4kbRWQzn4qPvixBlJl6PYb858hvhlBXhONZ2rehEBMUG3KxOT8liFIO1WJH3U8-6hyEPso5p7aKvJXRn-9EzVdehn7auzW37lXb1CpqIfBMElAdSElcD1P9_MRW6wWAHHGh1UW/s1600/il_fullxfull.415865862_kucp.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfAIy61-4kbRWQzn4qPvixBlJl6PYb858hvhlBXhONZ2rehEBMUG3KxOT8liFIO1WJH3U8-6hyEPso5p7aKvJXRn-9EzVdehn7auzW37lXb1CpqIfBMElAdSElcD1P9_MRW6wWAHHGh1UW/s640/il_fullxfull.415865862_kucp.jpeg" width="534" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">just loved this poster found <a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/120454817/les-miserables-i-dreamed-a-dream-quote?ref=sr_gallery_42&ga_search_query=posters&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_ship_to=US&ga_page=2&ga_search_type=all">here </a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
JMillerFamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10241943733537392871noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8588294425123456987.post-27469330998405276762013-02-05T07:05:00.001-08:002013-02-05T07:08:05.323-08:00February YES! <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I can honestly say I am thrilled to wave farewell to January 2013. I almost feel like I want to throw it in with 2012. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">We bit off more than we could chew in home repairs and didn't spend enough time just being still. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Had intense work issues in which I was lied and spoken horribly about. I have come to realize, maybe too late, that some people are just not going to like me. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">For what??</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Being me. Being happy. Being joyful. ??</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I don't know. It's such a puzzle in how we interact with human beings. In some relationships, it flows so beautifully and so naturally. We believe the best about one another and we cheer each other on in this game called Life. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I am sometimes naive when it comes to my expectations. I can have a bunnies and rainbows and sunshine perspective and then really get sad when I see hate, jealousy and plain old catty-ness. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">This quote from beloved researcher and author, Bren</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #5f6161; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, san-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">é</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> Brown, spoke to me:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><i>Want to be happy? Stop trying to be perfect. </i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">This also meant to me: <u>It's ok if not EVERYONE likes me.</u> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I have to laugh at how hysterical I can be - are you like this too? You could have 10 awesome friendships going beautifully....one lost long friend seemed 'weird' to you at a party and its all you can focus on. Why do we focus on the one imperfection despite a myriad of beautiful relationships all around?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">All this plus a group I'm a part of where we're focusing on 'insecurity' leads me to desire and choose confidence. It's the accessory I find most attractive on everyone, including myself. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">New resolution - a month late: Be happy with me. Just me. Just the way I am.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">It's harder than it sounds. It sounds so cliche. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">BUT</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">It's really quite imperative to joyful living, I believe. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Moving forward, knowing that I am valuable enough and worthy enough for love, kindness and respect. Thankful to God for removing me from a toxic environment in which I was treated less than human. <u>No one deserves that.</u> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I am also going to get a little sappy here. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">My husband is so amazing. Not perfect. Not always the one who says the right thing all the time. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">He just is amazing. He works hard. He plays with our sons like he's got the energy of a 3 yr old. He does major home repair when I can tell he'd much rather do nothing else other than sleep. He's faithful. Let me say that last one again. <u>He is faithful.</u></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">On a day that was hard last week, he wrote me an email I will never forget. While he said many kind things, one thing he said that I won't forget was that he 'believed in my talent as an artist and always had....' </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
Sometimes in the face of gossip and strife, all it takes is one person....<u>one who really sees you</u>...to just believe in you. <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3mvRPqi9i9by5nd-pILcZxiTTslGhtXsrV2sExSq-pVSvZOiZz8a92B2bYU1jzUy2cdXgBYNU1Ydls-1l36rvlCAiwGl5Ks4EiPhd05PrE4eji3xfe055ahCgs62TCVoF3qEAd5G6KZ6h/s1600/us.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="428" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3mvRPqi9i9by5nd-pILcZxiTTslGhtXsrV2sExSq-pVSvZOiZz8a92B2bYU1jzUy2cdXgBYNU1Ydls-1l36rvlCAiwGl5Ks4EiPhd05PrE4eji3xfe055ahCgs62TCVoF3qEAd5G6KZ6h/s640/us.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
Here we go February....<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
JMillerFamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10241943733537392871noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8588294425123456987.post-75932767440526535512012-12-30T13:24:00.000-08:002012-12-30T13:24:53.444-08:00learning our lesson<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Here we are - sitting so close to a new year.<br />
<br />
All the newness so full of inspiration.<br />
<br />
I will be honest. I'm so ready. I'm ready to say farewell to a year that took me for a wild ride. <br />
<br />
This last Christmas reminded me a bit of last Christmas. Car repairs right before the holidays, intense illness clustered at the same time, and a DIY home project that we should have waited to do til another long weekend came along.<br />
<br />
I could sit here and lie and talk about the roar of the fire on Christmas morning but truth be told, I drank 3 cups of coffee on Christmas morning to just make it through after being up all night long with Simon who caught RSV a few days before the holiday.<br />
<br />
Life has just been....hard.<br />
<br />
I've been reluctant to share much as I know so many people will just tell me 'It will all get better...or God is in control..."<br />
<br />
and those are both very TRUE!<br />
<br />
But still...there is beauty and success gained when we are just honest about the inevitable hard points in life. I'm not on earth to pretend life is a party - even though I really really like to party. ;-) It's been tough - shed a TON of tears, felt SO alone, tackled more on my own than ever and we made it through. Joel and I are still here, our kids are alive and our baby grew. I'm pretty happy about that and that is where I leave you, 2012.<br />
<br />
2013 - I'm trying to be realistic. I want to be healthy. I want to eat so that my body works at its best and any illnesses that try to come its way are met with fierce immunity. I want to know my husband better, how to serve him, love him and be even more true to him. I long to be a Mother who is kind and compassionate and doesn't expect performers out of young boys...simply boys out of boys. I want to connect to a body of people who love God, His people and serve without judgement. I want to better my skillset as both a makeup artist and amateur chef to my family. I want to write more, listen more, hug more, kiss more, and rest more.<br />
<br />
I give myself grace on the areas I will fall short but ultimately, I'm thrilled for a new beginning and wishing you all the same.<br />
<br />
Happy New Year!<br />
<br />
xo,<br />
Jess<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1CPnzVwUCfjJad96KM_s2_-_hJ45qPO_oZXWvx4q8qH_82l8iX6ESYA3M1SOex_u0Kipjj7H7PRbpI5DPOpluL12rBO6_uilsXy0mxr_kWp1sVFK9sFb242HH1aQouoQwPg-E8FjYNjE2/s1600/joelybearandi.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1CPnzVwUCfjJad96KM_s2_-_hJ45qPO_oZXWvx4q8qH_82l8iX6ESYA3M1SOex_u0Kipjj7H7PRbpI5DPOpluL12rBO6_uilsXy0mxr_kWp1sVFK9sFb242HH1aQouoQwPg-E8FjYNjE2/s640/joelybearandi.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
JMillerFamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10241943733537392871noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8588294425123456987.post-79645217313145431172012-12-18T05:19:00.001-08:002012-12-18T05:19:22.948-08:00good & kind<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
With Christmas approaching so close, I am like many of you - hurried and quickly trying to finish prep for holiday gatherings and baking.<br />
<br />
This year is so different, though, when I think to those parents who have recently experienced such deep pain. The loss of a child, from what I hear, is one of the most difficult emotional traumas in this life.<br />
<br />
A little bit of my joy is replaced with grief over these sweet smiles that they will sorely miss on Christmas morning and every morning thereafter.<br />
<br />
Like so many of the horrible things that happen in life, when you hear of them....and continue to hear of them for years to come, you never forget where you were when 'it' happened. The Columbine shooting, 9/11, Chardon's shooting, etc.<br />
<br />
This last tragic event took place last Friday. The horror of that day will never be minimized. However, something else good and beautiful and kind took place that day as well. A dear friend of our family gave birth to twins...twins that biologically belong to another family. This friend had been, for so many years, desiring to give this gift. Her love of her own 4 children and her enjoyment with all things that pregnancy brings made her such a lovely candidate for this process.<br />
<br />
I'd been keeping up with her facebook posts as the baby's progressed - I always thought, "Wow, I love how she's loving and caring for these little ones even though they aren't hers...." What a gift, what a kind and precious act of kindness to change the course of a family's life by offering her body and strength and time. After several years of my own struggle with infertility....I remember the thought coming to me, 'What if I needed someone else to do this for me?" I am so happy for this couple, whose babies they have been dreaming of are real and perfect and their own. <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLLa0jl40XRt2t-ubs5mOYHqOf466WWIaifHAtxliIY0m8N3jZ8LtbMGgpKtmcQBp34Ibs2mDIxkhV4PP-ZmSKQyxOZfvLXvlJ3yoMuU0qByRhCNT98CcbmVYGt5iTT-ua2OoZRO9ufEiO/s1600/475561_10151218212469652_1845443400_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLLa0jl40XRt2t-ubs5mOYHqOf466WWIaifHAtxliIY0m8N3jZ8LtbMGgpKtmcQBp34Ibs2mDIxkhV4PP-ZmSKQyxOZfvLXvlJ3yoMuU0qByRhCNT98CcbmVYGt5iTT-ua2OoZRO9ufEiO/s400/475561_10151218212469652_1845443400_o.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
Just want to acknowledge that those twins (both of which are perfect and bigger<br />
than my first two sons-HUGE for twins!) are an example of the purity and innocence still left in this world. Kindness is so unexpected....and yet when you shed it on others, YOU are the one who is blessed. It's a guarantee. I plan to use these current events to spark up conversation in our home on how to be the change - as it always starts with the family. <br />
<br />
May you all be blessed this holiday season - filled with love for one another - choosing to be slow to speak and slow to become angry - understanding how much more blessed it is to give than it is to receive.<br />
<br />
Lord - please continue to wrap your arms around those aching Mommy's and Daddy's....sisters and brothers...Grandpas and Grandma's....as they mourn. Give them beauty for ashes and the oil of joy for their mourning. <br />
<br />
Merry Christmas!<br />
<br />
xoxo<br />
Joel & Jess + boys</div>
JMillerFamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10241943733537392871noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8588294425123456987.post-56662996881456566822012-11-23T11:49:00.000-08:002012-11-23T11:50:04.949-08:00My thankful list<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaAHTe8Dggbagh62F4Ivwd4Q7b0aSsG7a5WlcqPo4m6OhBgMDvZy5MXJRH9oFUPa309aZZrpoCS4Bib1gBN1u31CeeHpNJjLsQnFhNC01OG4EIeZAG7idyJo6Xs04HaYRDcqvIJta8N-ta/s1600/188545_10151269046993022_200530921_n.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaAHTe8Dggbagh62F4Ivwd4Q7b0aSsG7a5WlcqPo4m6OhBgMDvZy5MXJRH9oFUPa309aZZrpoCS4Bib1gBN1u31CeeHpNJjLsQnFhNC01OG4EIeZAG7idyJo6Xs04HaYRDcqvIJta8N-ta/s640/188545_10151269046993022_200530921_n.jpeg" width="428" /></a></div>
<span id="goog_1264437712"></span><span id="goog_1264437713"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
A roof over my head</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
3 sons who are healthy and happy</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Legs that can carry me as I walk, skip, dance and run</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
A smile that can soften the heart of a stranger</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
A husband that works hard</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
A husband who is faithful</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
A husband who is a remarkable father</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
An eldest son who incredibly intuitive</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
A middle son who is full of light and has a voice sweeter than sugar</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
A baby son whose smile changes my perspective almost constantly</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
A mother and father who are still married to one another</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
A grandmother who is still with me and helped raise me and create me</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Friends who understand me and who I can understand</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
A job I love to do </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Health Health Health</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
A love for culinary arts that pairs nicely with my husband's love for eating</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Cousins, Bro/Sis inlaws, friends that are more like sisters</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
My bed and the guy I get to wake up next to in it</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Love, Kindness, Gentleness, Compassion</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Regardless of Thanksgiving being yesterday, I really needed to write it out. To remind. To remember. God's good. His love is deep. His joy is rich. Grateful to be smack dab in the midst of it.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
XOXO</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Jess</div>
</div>
JMillerFamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10241943733537392871noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8588294425123456987.post-36482275096522851392012-11-08T06:04:00.001-08:002012-11-08T06:04:50.299-08:00the sweetest song<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
If you've been following along the Miller family journey of intensity these days, I'm happy to report everyone is healthy, happy and even kind of having a blast!<br />
<br />
Life is still nuts. Sleep is still scarce but we're coming into some normalcy as to be expected at or around 6months post partum.<br />
<br />
A little moment happened in the car I've been meaning to write about. I mean kids say cute things all the time and I could honestly write EVERY day about that.<br />
<br />
But....this was altogether sweet and beyond what I expected out of my eldest, Jude.<br />
<br />
We were coming home from the gym. I have been really faithful with working out and my kids have been having fun in the child playroom area. It's helped de-stress me a ton.<br />
<br />
Anyway, on our 10 minute ride home, the baby fussed. He wasn't full out sobbing but was just 'done' being in his car seat. I tried consoling him and even making those funny noises Moms make that usually pull out a smile from a baby. Nothing worked.<br />
<br />
Joel called, could barely hear him over the baby's fussing and whimpering. All of a sudden, he stopped crying. I stopped to listen and peeked through the rear view mirror to see my Jude putting his face near Simon's (something I do all the time to calm him) and singing this:<br />
<br />
"Hush little baby don't say a word....<br />
Jude's gonna buy you a mockingbird.<br />
And if that mocking bird won't sing.<br />
Jude's gonna buy you a star wars ring."<br />
<br />
He sang just these lyrics over and over....and calmed sweet Simon to sleep. <br />
<br />
*GRATEFULSIGH*<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEil2rXo1T-c-adDQfZa5zIiur8zqw4Qwl_ly6qm-w1oYSKl2Y8TJpSVrTLFBbVs-3T4bFvGDw_EiXOXfKwCkFhV4qWr7I0O-IqfTAplaR6q7AdMvxMVF4Kez_PywgFADrlN_yhJ7U4OIvcG/s1600/pic.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEil2rXo1T-c-adDQfZa5zIiur8zqw4Qwl_ly6qm-w1oYSKl2Y8TJpSVrTLFBbVs-3T4bFvGDw_EiXOXfKwCkFhV4qWr7I0O-IqfTAplaR6q7AdMvxMVF4Kez_PywgFADrlN_yhJ7U4OIvcG/s640/pic.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
JMillerFamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10241943733537392871noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8588294425123456987.post-28547948445206958882012-10-31T05:56:00.001-07:002012-10-31T05:56:27.856-07:00gentle words<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Yesterday, I was all too eager to leave once Joel got home from work.<br />
<br />
Not just this blasted rain and hurricane situation but my kids are sick....again. I'm so over it.<br />
<br />
This time isn't as bad and we're all sleeping well - just want us all healthy at the same time for longer than a week.<br />
<br />
I started day dreaming about leaving the house at 4pm.....finally, 6:30pm came - Joel had eaten and was playing with Simon. I left....drove thru Starbucks for a decaf version of my normal morning drink...enjoyed a slooooow drive to the grocery store and made my way in, each sip helping change my perspective.<br />
<br />
I got my fruit/veggies, dips and chips.....frozen and fresh. Stood in line and I noticed something that hurt my heart. A mother and her 8 or 9 yr old son....she spoke to him in a tone I would imagine speaking to an enemy...not a child. She scolded him for dropping the sour cream when he was holding most of their goods in his small arms. Once she checked out, she realized she forgot caramel apples and sent him to fetch them and berated him for getting the wrong ones. I saw his face...his sad face....obviously so used to being treated so harshly and for no good reason. He was a good boy. You could see it in his big brown eyes. When I looked over to him, he put his eyes down....I felt sad for what she was doing to his confidence as a child....as a boy....and later on as a man.<br />
<br />
I put my groceries in the car and sat in the drivers seat with head in my hands and cried for him. I cried for her. I cried for the heartbreak that surrounds our children all over....parents are stressed, kids are demanding and there are so few people willing to share life enough to model it. I thought of my boys....when I have yelled too much, been too impatient with them and instead of using a tense moment to teach, I show them anger. I prayed to be better, to learn from this exchange and also to be willing to share this story around.<br />
<br />
I mean, we all do it. We lose our cool. That Mom could have been coming from such a difficult place herself....<br />
<br />
I guess what we CAN do is be genuine....stop pretending to be parents of the year....and just be honest. Sometimes I do crafts with my kids and feel like I'm the best Mom ever....sometimes I order georgio's pizza (not organic btw) and let my kids watch too much TV. Nothing ever changes or improves without honesty. <br />
<br />
I got home to a caring husband who put the groceries away and lit us a fire....amazing how your home looks different when you get a chance to leave. I made the decision to love this life, regardless of how hard it can be, and be grateful for what I have and for the unconditional love I'm surrounded by....and to try my best to gently show that to my men at home and everyone I come into contact with. <br />
<span id="goog_753615434"></span><span id="goog_753615435"></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhENW8pCxR07h-h9ZZftGUm6qfAhP6Dt6dhZ-158z5s4Pas52JbMNtkCuR1c4AHx9EfZZ22PG5MSvzaE9wmvp7j_pYHsN449CUb6kwp4nE6jY1X9HAMl4BoxPoRMHLkKdt31mIAP9SsOJzF/s1600/DSC_5176.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="428" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhENW8pCxR07h-h9ZZftGUm6qfAhP6Dt6dhZ-158z5s4Pas52JbMNtkCuR1c4AHx9EfZZ22PG5MSvzaE9wmvp7j_pYHsN449CUb6kwp4nE6jY1X9HAMl4BoxPoRMHLkKdt31mIAP9SsOJzF/s640/DSC_5176.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
JMillerFamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10241943733537392871noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8588294425123456987.post-78793629118300360802012-10-27T11:26:00.000-07:002012-10-27T11:26:41.917-07:00it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas....<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
in my little heart.....<br />
<br />
OH MY WORD<br />
<br />
What is it with me during the years I deliver a baby? I get SO much more into the holidays....probably due to it being the baby's first....<br />
<br />
This year, it's bittersweet. It's Simon's first Christmas. BUT - Simon is our last baby. So, this will be the last time we give a baby their first Christmas. (tearyeyedalittlebit)<br />
<br />
I think that might be what this is all about....celebrating, loving, and introducing him to such a wonderful time of year.<br />
<br />
Are you getting excited yet? (No? You think I'm crazy....that's OK...lots of people do!)<br />
<br />
Here's where my mind has been wandering to:<br /><br />
A nice full Christmas tree freshly cut from our favorite tree farm....<br />
Hot cocoa with my boys in our pajama's<br />
Cookie decorating and passing those cookies to our neighbors<br />
Gift buying/making/designing<br />
I am guilty of sometimes being more proud of the packaging than what's inside....<br />
<br />
Still not motivated to put some Judy Garland Christmas Radio on? <br />
<br />
Here's some Christmas eye candy then....xoxo.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidMZur6OlZL3xjZ9cSI66W1qz8TD3j2XKX0fHOXPoprHIB0LKWJKfdAkq5Svc_b7Axf6p9CN3i-0VkCXJ3kLPJETqBeTcevQ1EXoiRZrJgRtkJiVHbSsMmhFC-GWaC7C0W8RohWeRFcwcI/s1600/blog.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidMZur6OlZL3xjZ9cSI66W1qz8TD3j2XKX0fHOXPoprHIB0LKWJKfdAkq5Svc_b7Axf6p9CN3i-0VkCXJ3kLPJETqBeTcevQ1EXoiRZrJgRtkJiVHbSsMmhFC-GWaC7C0W8RohWeRFcwcI/s640/blog.jpeg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh98pJwXnVnC7iyqIKOqk5UnpLuTK1dgAyMfVJhOMDZN5L-B-I0b1a25w91FZqRsUYXVgrxB0JNnSfT6W-cftv_f8qlctq7B8QMEzhoPJQK86FwfbA6lVUml2A-hHtEnLx6xsljMA9ql8Wh/s1600/diy-5-apothecary-jars.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh98pJwXnVnC7iyqIKOqk5UnpLuTK1dgAyMfVJhOMDZN5L-B-I0b1a25w91FZqRsUYXVgrxB0JNnSfT6W-cftv_f8qlctq7B8QMEzhoPJQK86FwfbA6lVUml2A-hHtEnLx6xsljMA9ql8Wh/s640/diy-5-apothecary-jars.jpeg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjw-GddrHL47mYJDl_iwD3orwrMkfN9Es-VcG267DRoDNBEsqnkbBethQQGHhovZ1vbb5NInXi0bR3uN76REfQIEMKeGE3U8PYSIS-bpjl9U7exwHfiSMDwZb9QDuGJI0rWCS7E-idq4k_s/s1600/diy.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjw-GddrHL47mYJDl_iwD3orwrMkfN9Es-VcG267DRoDNBEsqnkbBethQQGHhovZ1vbb5NInXi0bR3uN76REfQIEMKeGE3U8PYSIS-bpjl9U7exwHfiSMDwZb9QDuGJI0rWCS7E-idq4k_s/s640/diy.jpeg" width="480" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhW-l0C1v02057r5FIRMm9_tbf6qwSv1Zmff7Pg3BddhIRwplQMvv-RUwRmWOw1sKSnc49Fd5qPLNMEB5kX3-7vir2pGZzMV5X1k4GUMVIEXYrMsmV4LOTQaajxMtkgRtlKGFVH8rSO0qUQ/s1600/gift-tags.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="424" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhW-l0C1v02057r5FIRMm9_tbf6qwSv1Zmff7Pg3BddhIRwplQMvv-RUwRmWOw1sKSnc49Fd5qPLNMEB5kX3-7vir2pGZzMV5X1k4GUMVIEXYrMsmV4LOTQaajxMtkgRtlKGFVH8rSO0qUQ/s640/gift-tags.jpeg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_jBGqXJ8etgVYv020xxvj7acPKVn_uU6Z187vN3W3dqvoQbE-64xzqfTAO-UJqctVLHuFQtu_kyfrLvEYJL-t-paUXaDqWb7Fnq47f5KfKKvxWrLlyR-KuCWtlq3_S-Xskpo8PZC2Pz2n/s1600/+.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="474" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_jBGqXJ8etgVYv020xxvj7acPKVn_uU6Z187vN3W3dqvoQbE-64xzqfTAO-UJqctVLHuFQtu_kyfrLvEYJL-t-paUXaDqWb7Fnq47f5KfKKvxWrLlyR-KuCWtlq3_S-Xskpo8PZC2Pz2n/s640/+.jpeg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhq6u5nr_tf0rI1hCAVTwHKMFHohnsjOqHj_rUcW4AKSGszm3xJ5PS8WCDnvi1kztJq7ckG8dfRnKVgDTsxmsQOhniQ2k5drVhFDzTD67W5ICA6ZCRQXaLHkYw5sozouwnCJqE8i1PD8Aau/s1600/-.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhq6u5nr_tf0rI1hCAVTwHKMFHohnsjOqHj_rUcW4AKSGszm3xJ5PS8WCDnvi1kztJq7ckG8dfRnKVgDTsxmsQOhniQ2k5drVhFDzTD67W5ICA6ZCRQXaLHkYw5sozouwnCJqE8i1PD8Aau/s640/-.jpeg" width="500" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiR2WVMpZPdfcD7g6IV9G6S4vHk_A4R0UCU8ge76DqAZ9EeEFoUHUHmLI9odcGMO19T-zAGd69UgpPonfLxCdx1JdeKw13QbUnzcNIUjwIb5JttZk1FTtB7R17X1KNLIaAdlQyjU7g8ldR9/s1600/2154021494.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiR2WVMpZPdfcD7g6IV9G6S4vHk_A4R0UCU8ge76DqAZ9EeEFoUHUHmLI9odcGMO19T-zAGd69UgpPonfLxCdx1JdeKw13QbUnzcNIUjwIb5JttZk1FTtB7R17X1KNLIaAdlQyjU7g8ldR9/s640/2154021494.jpeg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkqGh93WVCdnIRaXt6hurA449sFBIkLiQ6fPFD8DFGmiAD14KyGt3UJo4ElaFnfI6qp6g9mapfjytNlXUTHE0CBsIjHRytHkW-b_r8G65PClpY1Bd9RlsCM11jdIn_xI2uKOKraJoqoM8D/s1600/christmas_knits_tiny_hat_adven.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkqGh93WVCdnIRaXt6hurA449sFBIkLiQ6fPFD8DFGmiAD14KyGt3UJo4ElaFnfI6qp6g9mapfjytNlXUTHE0CBsIjHRytHkW-b_r8G65PClpY1Bd9RlsCM11jdIn_xI2uKOKraJoqoM8D/s640/christmas_knits_tiny_hat_adven.jpeg" width="640" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
thanks Pinterest for the images</div>
<br /></div>
JMillerFamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10241943733537392871noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8588294425123456987.post-27129181208595506442012-10-26T05:18:00.000-07:002012-10-26T05:18:38.511-07:00taking notice<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Oh man I hope you find each post special as they seem to be more few and far between - a true tale of adding a 3rd child....<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRjz6sPVTVKT_h2iyVZM3m_1MRTH-WJOyvJuaFlC3q-y45R2P2PT7zRujK9aougRRNmu2QsYdfNaZgMY2-L3lnsmjQhlA5M30gDerBlluhgtcAJ7kVmXmbbaFUafwOCkfC9M_oRw48i-Ht/s1600/190236_10151232564118022_932293987_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRjz6sPVTVKT_h2iyVZM3m_1MRTH-WJOyvJuaFlC3q-y45R2P2PT7zRujK9aougRRNmu2QsYdfNaZgMY2-L3lnsmjQhlA5M30gDerBlluhgtcAJ7kVmXmbbaFUafwOCkfC9M_oRw48i-Ht/s640/190236_10151232564118022_932293987_n.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
Been so consumed lately with my youngest two. My sweet Simon is distractingly cute. I could lie him down and dust furniture but sometimes I don't. I lie next to him and kiss his neck, tickle his toes and just enjoy this last baby being a 5 month old....worth it.<br />
<br />
I am also consumed with the ups and downs of my wild nearly 3 yr old...one minute we are intensely snuggling and the next, I'm trying to help him learn not to whine and 'talk like a big boy' and honestly, he is just my intense one at the moment. All 3 boys will share a turn being the intense one. Lucky it seems to be just one at a time.<br />
<br />
Last night, I took notice of the 7yr old growing up before me. He went on and on about sharks, their habitats, and how they hunt their prey. I learned from Jude all about lightning amongst other elements....and he taught me all about nouns, adjectives and verbs. His mind is learning at remarkable speed and I'm so thankful that he enjoys it all.<br />
<br />
I sat down with him to do homework last night - took notice of his handwriting (something that was atrocious last year and early part of this school year) and said, 'JUDE! Your handwriting is wonderful!"<br />
<br />
His eyes lit up - I noticed. I took a minute to see he had placed effort in an area he was weak in. Gosh, I'm so thankful I did. As I watched him finish his math homework, I stared at him. I noticed his beautiful little face and ridiculous eye lashes....his hands that were looking stronger and more manly and even how he purses his lips when he's concentrating. My eldest child inspired me last night....to try harder, to work on things that I'm not great at and just to enjoy the process like a child.<br />
<br />
So grateful God gave us Jude. I told him that and his response was, "Mommy I'm glad God gave me our family and we're going to be together forever..." <br />
<br />
Nothing a Mother could desire to hear more than that.<br />
<br />
Happy Friday All. Take a minute to notice your children, their effort, their progress....and then TELL them you notice. We're not just growing kids....we're feeding their esteem, developing their self-worth and showing them they are ENOUGH just the way they are. What a completely ridiculous honor it is to do just that. </div>
JMillerFamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10241943733537392871noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8588294425123456987.post-32475765089492133612012-10-13T15:48:00.000-07:002012-10-13T15:48:05.119-07:00Happy Fall<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilUFzDt3hcSrk0DiN-WC0KSmSgi71tL6w_Qy5BribGNC3aYrK5WRFqmHMTBNQXL5UcrSWXm92jKeS4vpUbYimaqf1vAqjcRoULDl7f8lKRbxaa6bvBZygYPEOqNpA4iE505sXJdFSsPf7o/s1600/pattersons.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilUFzDt3hcSrk0DiN-WC0KSmSgi71tL6w_Qy5BribGNC3aYrK5WRFqmHMTBNQXL5UcrSWXm92jKeS4vpUbYimaqf1vAqjcRoULDl7f8lKRbxaa6bvBZygYPEOqNpA4iE505sXJdFSsPf7o/s640/pattersons.jpg" width="474" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHC__eW9DQzgLUnUxFYhkGc5QyOx_1x-nnx2q4dl6SrrzEy6BWOio_L00DS0NkFjq4lOU9K0N0ITvUP1iANe_kLr3bG2dgXH2Ad3DXyvYrR_-alKk5cLUZbxdJw_PhmyI7NHeMxDZVhVd5/s1600/pattersons10.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="428" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHC__eW9DQzgLUnUxFYhkGc5QyOx_1x-nnx2q4dl6SrrzEy6BWOio_L00DS0NkFjq4lOU9K0N0ITvUP1iANe_kLr3bG2dgXH2Ad3DXyvYrR_-alKk5cLUZbxdJw_PhmyI7NHeMxDZVhVd5/s640/pattersons10.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiic8kuAGAN784oMP8HIzY0stY5ww4tprIMFfmmStqgMJGeDB_YleJEBqf4o7Z7ov3F_8taRr15YjLrx1YfDlATz57gbrwBFWvEh6aH14z5bx21y9hvGaC4dtGi_-KmP9pTsOzf3trgpHmx/s1600/pattersons11.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="428" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiic8kuAGAN784oMP8HIzY0stY5ww4tprIMFfmmStqgMJGeDB_YleJEBqf4o7Z7ov3F_8taRr15YjLrx1YfDlATz57gbrwBFWvEh6aH14z5bx21y9hvGaC4dtGi_-KmP9pTsOzf3trgpHmx/s640/pattersons11.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwaq_ovsmghLU7OoR_k9JvmSm682dEUDGPaNcBlqE1cPsiPW_6kgG-Sv_2pnzDzpH4FEfrtBUBvRj6pisiV-5MvhiHsDi4uzNprRxUxjfG9pbaZsA5sgHdDrvLqeMpMHBRcEVAZD_cOhpr/s1600/pattersons12.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwaq_ovsmghLU7OoR_k9JvmSm682dEUDGPaNcBlqE1cPsiPW_6kgG-Sv_2pnzDzpH4FEfrtBUBvRj6pisiV-5MvhiHsDi4uzNprRxUxjfG9pbaZsA5sgHdDrvLqeMpMHBRcEVAZD_cOhpr/s640/pattersons12.jpg" width="428" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYvGXMDJUxZPYf2gnkrD8xPxRwjlC34exk4AKLIVsMnzempLOYe-iGn7JJE3qVrAkeP-tQN2h5efNNu7hGDjOaOH27kpLtiyFsP_1XXCJBNg_ozCZcGXoQHzV_bSwxcVE_IUtr0b-kX7A1/s1600/pattersons2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYvGXMDJUxZPYf2gnkrD8xPxRwjlC34exk4AKLIVsMnzempLOYe-iGn7JJE3qVrAkeP-tQN2h5efNNu7hGDjOaOH27kpLtiyFsP_1XXCJBNg_ozCZcGXoQHzV_bSwxcVE_IUtr0b-kX7A1/s640/pattersons2.jpg" width="388" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisUpi-BY6KAxFS4yd9WbfhK5B8zAC9VUDTN51eV4UZDktTEEidCX-0-WZa6U3ghAveskrv2KVyiFwl9O6Z-FN89AkSl5IpVsM82_3lEJJy2Q57AKR2X2x7SYwXtIKC_3w9Wr6P04k8VvhD/s1600/pattersons3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="428" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisUpi-BY6KAxFS4yd9WbfhK5B8zAC9VUDTN51eV4UZDktTEEidCX-0-WZa6U3ghAveskrv2KVyiFwl9O6Z-FN89AkSl5IpVsM82_3lEJJy2Q57AKR2X2x7SYwXtIKC_3w9Wr6P04k8VvhD/s640/pattersons3.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkShdEe37TF_0S9wXr5HCLcQC8g3jdJGMLIZ9RvxO75GZrEzliCWzv6U7c11XoYCC2-qzc4ug38Ziifpq2c7iprS1ieVKNpP8kjGnKFnbBRPJKne9etO_YDm_rro1UOG6hnl0TJtJu_FlS/s1600/pattersons4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="428" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkShdEe37TF_0S9wXr5HCLcQC8g3jdJGMLIZ9RvxO75GZrEzliCWzv6U7c11XoYCC2-qzc4ug38Ziifpq2c7iprS1ieVKNpP8kjGnKFnbBRPJKne9etO_YDm_rro1UOG6hnl0TJtJu_FlS/s640/pattersons4.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8lTVIt2jtRVxcqWUPOJDIvbUn75k5jjyxbTalRdZYipCotLvZMRZom96YzgELKHZRGriNF67_cF3QQxisJhVisTZ6-CTEDyMwPd-O5J4zXGdr6zT0_ZltqROhCjFhTgYzOsHlOt5PBghQ/s1600/pattersons5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="492" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8lTVIt2jtRVxcqWUPOJDIvbUn75k5jjyxbTalRdZYipCotLvZMRZom96YzgELKHZRGriNF67_cF3QQxisJhVisTZ6-CTEDyMwPd-O5J4zXGdr6zT0_ZltqROhCjFhTgYzOsHlOt5PBghQ/s640/pattersons5.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeL0sQLkv_89E4FJLETPolcmGJ1tKcwwh1fLMZ-NK5RDSrPHBj7a0vMH5j6nD9y6uXg73OI0EOwf9fq4yzQWyWjfwcVuAt5dItIQMH_VC-Gus9J4kRbQIHwaCuKT9nZCK_SAicd4tLyPJM/s1600/pattersons6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="428" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeL0sQLkv_89E4FJLETPolcmGJ1tKcwwh1fLMZ-NK5RDSrPHBj7a0vMH5j6nD9y6uXg73OI0EOwf9fq4yzQWyWjfwcVuAt5dItIQMH_VC-Gus9J4kRbQIHwaCuKT9nZCK_SAicd4tLyPJM/s640/pattersons6.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwZt4cmNmxY6Yi2eB3X6ZJ1Jr1D5dY6u5voZ5RO5QNOdzLqMJZJyDLKXGlcx2VaSJyFiUKj-hq1RUR2A4yVMu_65Aw1Nvg6uJGjtYA39LynQfE4AEW7AEfizliL_EDhw5izClFOl89aabe/s1600/pattersons7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="428" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwZt4cmNmxY6Yi2eB3X6ZJ1Jr1D5dY6u5voZ5RO5QNOdzLqMJZJyDLKXGlcx2VaSJyFiUKj-hq1RUR2A4yVMu_65Aw1Nvg6uJGjtYA39LynQfE4AEW7AEfizliL_EDhw5izClFOl89aabe/s640/pattersons7.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhG7ABlIPKtIe6QNzcZaE3Hw7o2BSM5_M0h7LEoC2OY7zrC1Jm5AENcKBDiQ25AQ50QeLze8gAfpKjg5BM_JGH9MRM6jTGpo6q4QLecIKBfZxIe6xDpbTXK4aAkdDS9N2rGpAnHQxjJ1J3Q/s1600/pattersons8.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="600" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhG7ABlIPKtIe6QNzcZaE3Hw7o2BSM5_M0h7LEoC2OY7zrC1Jm5AENcKBDiQ25AQ50QeLze8gAfpKjg5BM_JGH9MRM6jTGpo6q4QLecIKBfZxIe6xDpbTXK4aAkdDS9N2rGpAnHQxjJ1J3Q/s640/pattersons8.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCEGrhIwx1H9TszAUSTPTnxiwrjPVshenhL151NbkBgT5ba8kPlW5GqZwRpgu9qOCx8cZhN1XP3RzN7_Y2IP8JwxFOTBsrezTWLjIdOVU76vVvHu5wvKokENhQO2Sm24tb_2yoh1cvbnSX/s1600/pattersons9.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="428" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCEGrhIwx1H9TszAUSTPTnxiwrjPVshenhL151NbkBgT5ba8kPlW5GqZwRpgu9qOCx8cZhN1XP3RzN7_Y2IP8JwxFOTBsrezTWLjIdOVU76vVvHu5wvKokENhQO2Sm24tb_2yoh1cvbnSX/s640/pattersons9.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
JMillerFamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10241943733537392871noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8588294425123456987.post-62046381083373770452012-10-09T11:13:00.000-07:002012-10-09T11:13:08.505-07:00catching up<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
A HUGE thanks to all of you who wrote, responded, liked or called after the last post.<br />
<br />
We made it through the week and all are healthy now. I truly felt such a release after writing my honest story out...and your words/prayers/kindness was just the icing on the cake.<br />
<br />
Thank you.<br />
<br />
We are ALL catching up these days.<br />
<br />
On sleep<br />
Si is catching up on weight<br />
On housework<br />
On homework<br />
On bills<br />
On our budget<br />
On laundry<br />
<br />
One thing I finally did was sort through our photos from Hocking Hills - a mini vacation that was really the sweet spot in a tough season. The combination of a train ride, darling cabin, cute and excited boys who loved every moment, and a husband who cared to make such wonderful memories with his sons and wife gave us something we hope to recreate again and again for years to come.<br />
<br />
Here are some photos of our trip and where we stayed - would highly recommend to anyone wanting a cost-effective vacation while not 'feeling like it' at all. I prefer going to see the natural beauty around me than standing in line for some man-made, expensive activity any day. In HH, there is tons of beauty and it's truly awe inspiring. Take a look!<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6VaTEUMNqD_hUpJ4awhIPgq2Crn2PiNosHH4V7HHp2SMqRt4_djIDRQtBCB1Sjp5ScolvpdLBP3zDhnyF0NJxZ78Z4aUF6sHRfLBI8G9jGcg-1RrhY6fbPbfgHdUL6L6kdNxjsR5dAHzN/s1600/hh9.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="428" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6VaTEUMNqD_hUpJ4awhIPgq2Crn2PiNosHH4V7HHp2SMqRt4_djIDRQtBCB1Sjp5ScolvpdLBP3zDhnyF0NJxZ78Z4aUF6sHRfLBI8G9jGcg-1RrhY6fbPbfgHdUL6L6kdNxjsR5dAHzN/s640/hh9.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSjXO5o-xdGtaGY0Jqm1kpRvcqVVM08vbTa7lX-0SWGZ9eitYHIjOHC0JNFHd0yHlpzHQYFq1astOYqpIiS9q6xwh-ZEw4nB4NT8Vqg2I7yr7L6mhE87jz4Hypkfo95T0Aev5z5o9as8_d/s1600/hh11.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="428" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSjXO5o-xdGtaGY0Jqm1kpRvcqVVM08vbTa7lX-0SWGZ9eitYHIjOHC0JNFHd0yHlpzHQYFq1astOYqpIiS9q6xwh-ZEw4nB4NT8Vqg2I7yr7L6mhE87jz4Hypkfo95T0Aev5z5o9as8_d/s640/hh11.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibxLBnbI0yHw2rUkXAhN912qz2r-STLzSDIzsig9N87voMal-OT6PTHicGy7vJXXvswtYpHgWC-Ru3NQ0Jko9_uPk79ARr8OGJ01uF5q3MShA5IWxnCVXrIOn9lmc-BUQyZftg-Mx4WK25/s1600/hh14.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="428" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibxLBnbI0yHw2rUkXAhN912qz2r-STLzSDIzsig9N87voMal-OT6PTHicGy7vJXXvswtYpHgWC-Ru3NQ0Jko9_uPk79ARr8OGJ01uF5q3MShA5IWxnCVXrIOn9lmc-BUQyZftg-Mx4WK25/s640/hh14.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaJqEqAZWXJAC3mePlZguFbRD1Ka25OwV2h0GcgfQrjUMF66U5_9XHvxDbzul49mas7JT8YITFkTXAq4F32OkHCFPB1mlUePPN1Yi_ZUtl5NUDN4btEgU-j0vos90VX9VeBWmPfjK3m8_D/s1600/hh15.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="428" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaJqEqAZWXJAC3mePlZguFbRD1Ka25OwV2h0GcgfQrjUMF66U5_9XHvxDbzul49mas7JT8YITFkTXAq4F32OkHCFPB1mlUePPN1Yi_ZUtl5NUDN4btEgU-j0vos90VX9VeBWmPfjK3m8_D/s640/hh15.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCLucoMX1cHYVB4f7VMDznjwsKQKoBieKMP9VAhhat565HzirWq8BAgwuBolMT6drcuSxFOGEyb6MOLy4UTIKJoc1s_LYi9S62b54qtmPIaqpNsqj0D3trkKmLrdj8Z5eFHEtfZIVTlhhyphenhyphen/s1600/hh18.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCLucoMX1cHYVB4f7VMDznjwsKQKoBieKMP9VAhhat565HzirWq8BAgwuBolMT6drcuSxFOGEyb6MOLy4UTIKJoc1s_LYi9S62b54qtmPIaqpNsqj0D3trkKmLrdj8Z5eFHEtfZIVTlhhyphenhyphen/s640/hh18.jpg" width="428" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhS7zLecIkE_mDs4rDAzmjRQk-nm1JhETCT1MRRLB4NduaJITfrinkmWspXFWG5QZVGX-W1KeEf-0pA2IDlFbHZDqfBjFNQro5dw7j3_u_aXaTS9-zome01uK7EfHIhBfQspOFUVNhUnBpP/s1600/hh19.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhS7zLecIkE_mDs4rDAzmjRQk-nm1JhETCT1MRRLB4NduaJITfrinkmWspXFWG5QZVGX-W1KeEf-0pA2IDlFbHZDqfBjFNQro5dw7j3_u_aXaTS9-zome01uK7EfHIhBfQspOFUVNhUnBpP/s640/hh19.jpg" width="428" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgq7UX86VLNP39EgxdbCBhfirdOrogf_gURuWtSgMHRPZpIPBJeGM4PAgGrnxFbq7ORfaJ-TQuqPp0nXE59bWpX3UlVoGlygsyUkzQQVmU_jv5DV5LCjhjSZp1BIxgOy0JNqJT-pCpr9FVl/s1600/hh20.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="428" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgq7UX86VLNP39EgxdbCBhfirdOrogf_gURuWtSgMHRPZpIPBJeGM4PAgGrnxFbq7ORfaJ-TQuqPp0nXE59bWpX3UlVoGlygsyUkzQQVmU_jv5DV5LCjhjSZp1BIxgOy0JNqJT-pCpr9FVl/s640/hh20.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
JMillerFamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10241943733537392871noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8588294425123456987.post-82623173825450415742012-10-03T13:22:00.000-07:002012-10-03T13:22:18.797-07:00truth of the matter<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
I am definitely one of those people who tends to post positive things.<br />
<br />
Maybe because I don't like hearing about negative stuff so I assume no one wants to hear my junk either. <br />
<br />
Truth is that while there are a million of tasks calling out to me right now, I simply must sit and write. My sick little Simon - who has been fighting a fever and tummy virus is actually sleeping right now. My oldest is playing with a friend and Leland is napping at the sitter.<br />
<br />
What do I have to say?<br />
<br />
Life is so hard right now. I'm so thankful and so full of joy for what I have but the truth of it is, I feel like I can't enjoy it because I'm a fire fighter right now....putting one fire out after the next. I've been to the Pediatrician 6x in the last 8 weeks. (Well checks, weight checks, and sick kid checks) We've had colds, flus and croup in the last month too. We squeezed in a mini vacation and I'm just DYING to share those photos....but they are waiting for life to get back on track too.<br />
<br />
I know this season will pass. I know one day I'll look back and wish to hold that feverish boy once again and feel his grip on my hair. <br />
<br />
I'm trying to enjoy the moment but it's so hard when you sleep rarely....see friends only here and there...and have so many other balls to juggle. <br />
<br />
I will be truthful: I've dropped a bunch of those balls. Like a ton. There are emails I have yet to respond to....people I need to call....a sweet Grandma I want to visit without giving her a flu bug....right now, I'd just love to float above the water without the fear that I'm about to drown.<br />
<br />
As I write this, I know in my heart that this season will be over - it just can't stay forever. It just can't. <br />
<br />
I'm SO blessed - my husband is my partner and has offered such grace to me in this time. My kids forgive me everytime I apologize for a grumpy moment and their hugs heal my tired heart. My sweet baby tries to smile amidst his tummy pain and I must just take a moment to thank God for these men. These men....they are my everything. <br />
<br />
If you read this, will you do me a favor? Will you just say a little prayer? Pray for calm and for health and for rest.<br />
<br />
Thanks for listening....and for being the friends you are. <br />
<br />
xoxo<br />
Jess<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5RTI4LPtmW1ouHCidm0TeHNVaBeQvKvJwK3SGNgjEErHAS6VEtdYRyvN1mS1gnzOe0Uwy6fmcqxhCoqgymr1mHLcKcjaWNelMLLJNKQqLQgCLW8DEE4pqVV_a_7EI1Lq8mod_gmaPdC8N/s1600/579910_10151166128178022_264613844_n.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5RTI4LPtmW1ouHCidm0TeHNVaBeQvKvJwK3SGNgjEErHAS6VEtdYRyvN1mS1gnzOe0Uwy6fmcqxhCoqgymr1mHLcKcjaWNelMLLJNKQqLQgCLW8DEE4pqVV_a_7EI1Lq8mod_gmaPdC8N/s640/579910_10151166128178022_264613844_n.jpeg" width="602" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
JMillerFamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10241943733537392871noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8588294425123456987.post-52695896253176139092012-09-10T09:20:00.000-07:002012-09-10T09:21:00.908-07:00a Simon update!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgesZKwdklkHOLYZJ1AHEaBF7wP67LTYhpsk3GIY0LVK0pLRdhlpx5M83Wfw0isxaSuV2_w0rtzb11dsYjKGHSFSMsLLV_w1PkIPZ2NNmhesEquoM_mP6P53JaN7zzKHuEzuSemEz6w8kK5/s1600/294635_10151168120443022_178461778_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgesZKwdklkHOLYZJ1AHEaBF7wP67LTYhpsk3GIY0LVK0pLRdhlpx5M83Wfw0isxaSuV2_w0rtzb11dsYjKGHSFSMsLLV_w1PkIPZ2NNmhesEquoM_mP6P53JaN7zzKHuEzuSemEz6w8kK5/s640/294635_10151168120443022_178461778_n.jpg" width="428" /></a></div>
<span id="goog_1498835348"></span><span id="goog_1498835349"></span><br />
Well, his swallow study confirmed that he swallows and appears to digest beautifully! Everything went in and out of the right places.<br />
<br />
It was traumatizing to watch them redraw blood but we got it - aside from his screams - we got it. In one week, we should know more from today's blood draw and set up a follow up appointment with his Pediatric GI specialist.<br />
<br />
Aside from that, we're continuing to feed him and try not to let him graze (He's metabolizing too quick that way) so getting him to take larger amounts at a time is the key. <br />
<br />
We will keep you posted on anything further - cannot thank you ENOUGH for your prayers!<br />
<br />
So sorry I cannot respond to every post/call/text - loaded up on kid life/housework & doing makeup every single weekend! Please do not be offended if I do not call you back right away....a private message via FB is the BEST way to get a hold of me! <br />
<br />
Thanks loves!<br />
<br />
All our love,<br />
<br />
J&J +3 crazy monkey boys<span id="goog_596309966"></span><span id="goog_596309967"></span><br />
<br />
<br /></div>
JMillerFamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10241943733537392871noreply@blogger.com2