Wednesday, October 31, 2012

gentle words

Yesterday, I was all too eager to leave once Joel got home from work.

Not just this blasted rain and hurricane situation but my kids are sick....again.  I'm so over it.

This time isn't as bad and we're all sleeping well -  just want us all healthy at the same time for longer than a week.

I started day dreaming about leaving the house at 4pm.....finally, 6:30pm came - Joel had eaten and was playing with Simon.  I left....drove thru Starbucks for a decaf version of my normal morning drink...enjoyed a slooooow drive to the grocery store and made my way in, each sip helping change my perspective.

I got my fruit/veggies, dips and chips.....frozen and fresh.  Stood in line and I noticed something that hurt my heart.  A mother and her 8 or 9 yr old son....she spoke to him in a tone I would imagine speaking to an enemy...not a child.  She scolded him for dropping the sour cream when he was holding most of their goods in his small arms.  Once she checked out, she realized she forgot caramel apples and sent him to fetch them and berated him for getting the wrong ones.  I saw his face...his sad face....obviously so used to being treated so harshly and for no good reason.  He was a good boy.  You could see it in his big brown eyes.  When I looked over to him, he put his eyes down....I felt sad for what she was doing to his confidence as a a boy....and later on as a man.

I put my groceries in the car and sat in the drivers seat with head in my hands and cried for him.  I cried for her.  I cried for the heartbreak that surrounds our children all over....parents are stressed, kids are demanding and there are so few people willing to share life enough to model it.  I thought of my boys....when I have yelled too much, been too impatient with them and instead of using a tense moment to teach, I show them anger.  I prayed to be better, to learn from this exchange and also to be willing to share this story around.

I mean, we all do it.  We lose our cool.  That Mom could have been coming from such a difficult place herself....

I guess what we CAN do is be genuine....stop pretending to be parents of the year....and just be honest.  Sometimes I do crafts with my kids and feel like I'm the best Mom ever....sometimes I order georgio's pizza (not organic btw) and let my kids watch too much TV.  Nothing ever changes or improves without honesty.

I got home to a caring husband who put the groceries away and lit us a fire....amazing how your home looks different when you get a chance to leave.  I made the decision to love this life, regardless of how hard it can be, and be grateful for what I have and for the unconditional love I'm surrounded by....and to try my best to gently show that to my men at home and everyone I come into contact with.


Amie said...

As much as i love your happy, inspiring posts on your blog, the ones with raw, cracked honesty hit me the most. Life can be so hard at times, and I hope your season of rough is over soon. Keep praying and i will continue praying for you as well. Lots of love, Amie

JoElla said...

i sit here with tears streamimg down, i reacted harshly this morning to my oldest....breaks my heart, that i seem to forget the hurtful attitude i allow to pop up, only til after ive done it. thanks for the emotional honesty. today, as both boys are in school & mdo.... I will take tome to reflect. love your blog jess!

christine said...

I got to your blog through Charlene's Instagram. I have 2 boys under 3.5 too, and this post touches my heart. All too often, hurricane or not, I lose my cool and then am embarrassed by how I react. I chose to stay home with them, to love them all day, everyday and I too often forget the blessing that being here really is. Thanks for the reminder, and for your honesty. Can't wait to read more. Xxx- Christine