Wednesday, August 22, 2012

never alone

Been reminded as of late how vital human vulnerability is.

When one person shares openly and regardless of what the other might have to respond with.  It's scary and risky and so worth it.

When Jude was a newborn, we were filled with fear and newness and fear and intense love but also fear.  I told no one.  I wanted no one to know I was falling and falling into a deep sad place.

This post partum season has truly taken me by surprise....with such an easy start followed by days of frustration, tears and confusion.  Why won't my baby grow?

I found myself lying to strangers about his age just to avoid the 'Really, he's that old....gee he's tiny!' response I kept getting.  What was worse was when women would call their friends over, 'Come see how tiny this baby is....he's already 10 weeks...look how small!'  *heartbreaking*

While this post is not to describe how ignorant humans can be, it just must be said.  People are sometimes the absolute worst.

Still, what redeems it all are those moments when a friend tells you about her experience, holds your hand, whispers a prayer over your baby or simply offers to go to your next appointment with you.  Also, when a parent offers to be with your other child while you attend a vital appointment that would otherwise be massively distracting.  I am simply overcome. With all this love.

My baby will be fine.  They are running tests on his blood, doing a swallow study and a possible sweat test but all the while the doctor keeps telling us what my OB told me all along....'Your boy is busy!'  Too busy to eat and too busy to hold onto those calories.

The upside is he has continuously gained now for a straight 4 weeks....good news!  So, we're just pouring out our love, making him laugh and feeding him like its our job because it IS our job, a very very full time job.

Thankful for a husband who is by my side and for family and friends who have encouraged, prayed, taken my older kids, etc.  It's such an easy thing to want to hide in what seems like our failures....but not as easy as it is to walk through hard stuff knowing you have friends pulling you along, delivering a meal or dessert....heart is so full and our love is so rich for each of you.

Thank you!


Jess & Baby Simon
Here's my little 'failing to thrive' baby...haha!  hardly!


Donna said...

Awe! He looks pretty darn perfect to me. My kids were always little having extra weight check sppointments, but let me tell you about my nephew. Same thing...too busy to eat, seriously! 4oz bottles only until he was 1. Tuny little guy! She has her second now and cant understand why he is drinking 6 oz at 2 months old, lol!

Praying thats everything comes back perfectly and that you will continue to see growth!!

Unknown said...

Prayers for your family and the doctor's wisdom! He's so sweet baby.