Monday, August 6, 2012

expectations

this Mommy thing is so hard.


Yet so completely gratifying and beautiful.  I feel the sway between those two adjectives on a daily and sometimes hourly basis.

On one hand, I'm so enjoying this newborn stage with the cooing, sweet cuddles and hugs from big brothers that are never lacking.  On the other, I have struggled with letting go...truly surrendering some of what I thought it would be like to welcome a third into our family.

I guess the best advice every Mom should hear (regardless of how many children she has) is that no matter how good at the Mothering you get...there will be a new challenge with each child...one you will need help with, one you will google about, and one that will keep you up at night hoping you made the right choice in its solution.

In a way, so much of mothering is simply defined as hope.  Hope that your child knows that your every move is bathed in love, prayed over in wisdom & made with the counsel of others.  Perhaps our choices are wrong or perhaps on graduation day, it will not have even mattered much.

In the end, no one really knows how much you wish, hope and worry as a parent until you become responsible for another life.

This season has brought intense laughter & tears...I've been both on the happy end and a deeply sad end....but I've appreciated coming back to the realization that this time is a season and to try and remember it that way.  I loved this blog post by a friend - her words filled my own heart with grace....grace on myself.

Ironically, Joel's birthday gift to me of 31 love letters in 31 days....has been a breath of fresh air that I've been able to hold onto.  I feel like it makes me want to speak loving words to others all the more often....knowing the power those words really do have.

xoxo...happy Monday!

2 comments:

Aimie Thomas said...

Once again my thoughts/struggles were said perfectly in this post. :* Thanks for sharing. It's this post and Evita's that reminds that I'm not alone in this... :) Love you!!

Yellowcake said...

"In the end, no one really knows how much you wish, hope and worry as a parent until you become responsible for another life."

But here's the secret Jess...Some of us do understand. we really do.

Now, I'm 31, unmarried, without children, scarred but hopeful. I desire a family like yours, like several of my wonderful friends. More than anything in this world-to be a mother as gracious, kind and cool as you is one of my deepest longings. But i may NEVER have children, i may NEVER have a husband, but i do have compassion. I do have experience beyond years of some of my friends who are new moms even (not trying to sound arrogant btw at all) and I do know what it's like to be responsible for another life that you care about so massively that it hurts, it's stressful, it's a headache at times.

The flip side is that it is equally wonderful, exciting, hilarious at times as well!

The difference is, at the end of the day, the children I care for, that I attach myself to and help develop (like the luciano kids) don't belong to me. They don't have my blood, my eyes, my smile.

But Si has yours. He has all of you and you have all of him. I had no idea the pain and stress you have been going through - so glad i stopped to read your last 2 posts! One of my biggest struggles is feeling inadequate as a woman because i'm not a mother. But I am a nurturer, a caregiver. I understand Jess. I may not be able to grasp the severity of your situation, your pain - but i can imagine and I can understand. I am not saying in any way that being a nanny even comes close to being a full time mom - NO way man! It's tough work - and i applaud you, your multitasking super momness and all that you do for your husband, family and friends.

I am so thankful for you! you are an inspiration to me, to your friends and to young women who know you. You are loved and respected and you and Si got this!

hope to see more of you all in the coming months...fall is almost here, and it's always magical in ohio=)