With Jude, our firstborn, we didn't plan for him. We didn't know what to do when that little stick had 2 lines on it. I remember it distinctly - a warm Monday morning....I was preparing for a large sales week at the hotel I worked at in Grand Rapids. I had recently taken this "Director of Sales" position and was still in my 'honeymoon' phase. I woke up early and had noticed a few days back that I was late but wasn't that concerned.
I had a pregnancy test in a drawer so I took it just to "rule out that possibility" and get showered/ready for the day. WHOA! I freaked out. I.TOTALLY.FREAKED.OUT.
I went to Joel....still warm in bed....pulled him out of his slumber and forced the test in his face....he rubbed his eyes, adjusted his contacts....and said, "Yep, that means positive...you're pregnant!" And just like that.....LIFE=Different Forever!
Fast forward 5 yrs....I've just had my 2nd son....breastfeeding didn't work with Jude (though I really wish it had) and now with Leland, I am being taught such a lesson. It's 100% total giving giving giving with no expectation of anything in return. It's an amazing resemblance to the relationship God desires us to have with Him. There is no end to His love....no way it could run out. I've been paranoid many times that my milk wasn't plentiful enough for this growing lad...and yet everytime he goes to eat...like magic, he is filled, content and full of coos and smiles.
It comes with its humor, however, when this child goes through a growth spurt and I feel like I am just a human bottle/gas station....or when I fear answer the door without putting on a shirt first. This season is quirky and hilarious....exhausting and exciting...but wow, has it drawn me closer to the truth of sacrifice. Leland may never have a recollection of this time....just like how he won't remember the mystery of the womb, but I will shall not forget it nor all the benefits of God's unending love and mercy.
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